So...What's Next?!?

What would you do in this situation

Seriously, I would love to hear different perspectives here.

I am the coach of the YMCA soccer team. As a coach who has been a soccer mom/assistant coach more than half a dozen times, I made the conscious decision to run this team with all of the parents involved. It has worked out really well to this point.

We have our regular practice on Wednesday nights but the parents voted to have a second practice on Friday nights - so I am giving an extra night of coaching. I also have an amazing co-coach who joined our team at the last minute, someone who has actually played the sport.

We have one player who is naturally talented and can play every position well. He is foreign and does not seem to always comprehend what is going on  though. He came to the first practice wondering why we were just passing the ball back and forth and not playing. He has missed a good number of practices and has been late to the ones he has shown up to.

At the first practice I gave all the parents a folder that I created with;

• rules about soccer game play so that they can review with their children
• photo packages for photo day
• game schedule with date, time and whether we were home or away

I also sent the link to the game schedule to every parent. I also email every parent each week the time of day of the game and the color jersey (blue for away and white for home) we are to wear. I also remind the parents of game time and jersey color on Wed AND Fri.

This talented kid, who could be a much better player if he came to practice, showed up today right on time wearing the wrong jersey. The parent made no effort to go home and change the jersey.

It was suggested that he switch jersy's with a kid on the side when he goes into play, which would have been chaotic, or that he play goalie, which would only be for one quarter because we have to play other kids in that position. I made the decision that he would have to sit out the game and cheer his team on. I think it would have been good for him as someone who needs to learn to play with a team and for his mom who needs to be more responsible.  By second quarter I agreed to let him play one quarter as a goalie.

Many parents on the team got upset with me for not letting him play. My co-coach and my husband both defended my decision by explaining it is not fair to our team or the other team getting confused in the game about what team he was on. I made the point that this was a great time for the child to learn one of the fundamentals in YMCA sports - responsibility. The mom of the child claimed that she is busy. I explained that I run a business and I do not accept busy as an excuse when all she needs to do is come to practice, to the game on time with the right jersey, which I have provided EVERY communication I can think of to help them out in those areas.

One father in particular thought I was being a hard ass to a 6 year old. I explained it had nothing to do with the child, but as a parent, I myself have messed up, more than once, and I have to take the responsibility of the mistake, not expect concessions that would/could be distracting to other kids. Also, what lesson are we teaching the kids if we shrug our shoulders and always let everything be ok because they are 6 or 7. When do we show them there are consequences to their actions.

Am I being a hard ass?

What I Love About Coaching

At first glance I am the least qualified soccer coach. I did love soccer when I was first introduced to it, but that was not until high school and by that time I was way behind everyone else in athletic ability and knowledge. In high school the only sport I attempted was waterpolo. The only reason was because both my brothers played and I was sibling pressured to try to play. Waterpolo is kind of like soccer in the pool, but it was not quite my sport.

When my oldest son was 4 I signed him up for soccer. He was a very shy and timid child who I felt would benefit from a team sport.

First team he had a good coach who recognizing my son's personality traits allowed him to only play goalie the whole season. The good thing was my son was REALLY good at tending goal. I was the soccer mom for the team and my husband was the assistant coach.

The second team we also had a good coach who encouraged my son to get into the game a bit more. We would cheer if the ball hit him. He was still a bit timid but was getting into the game a little more. I was soccer mom, my husband was the assistant coach.

The third team was awesome. It was a mom coach and her friend was the assistant. My son was the star player. Seriously we have video, somewhere. He was scoring and taking the ball and just shining. Yep, we were the parents that the other parents asked, "is that your son? I see a scholarship in his future."

So that summer we sent him to soccer camp and he had a great time.

Due to changes happening in our life we missed the next year of soccer. When we signed him up for his fourth team he had the worst coach imaginable. The man expected kids to know things they had no reason to know yet. He only played the kids he knew well and kept telling the team and the other coach that my son never played soccer.

After that my son lost interest in soccer and in sports all together. It is amazing the damage a bad coach can cause.

My youngest started playing for the first time last fall. I was the assistant coach. The head coach was great and I learned a lot about the game from him. So when I got the email that there were enough kids on the waiting list to have a whole other team but they just needed a coach I decided to step up.

At the first practice session I asked all the parents to join their kids in the team circle. I passed out folders that had soccer rules in it and asked that they bring their folder to each practice. Not only am I going to teach the game to the kids, but I think it is important that the parents learn the game as well.

This team is learning more than the game though. We talked about the importance of having Jedi focus on the field and supporting your team mates and always doing your best.

Thankfully the Universe is looking out for me. Not only are all the boys on the team well behaved but a parent signed up hours before the first practice and it just so happens the dad used to play soccer, so he is my assistant. As I told him, and the other parents, what qualifies me to be this team's head coach is I am going to do all the things I wish the other coaches I have been involved with would have done.

We are only allowed to practice once a week according to the YMCA rules, so we had a "kick around" second practice on Friday and half the team showed up. I send the parents an email of what we will be doing at the practice hours before we meet so they can set the expectations for the kids before they get there. It helps the kids to arrive already knowing what to expect and already with their head in the game.

My assistant follows my lead of what we will be doing and shows the kids proper technique, something I would have not been able to do just yet. But I am paying attention and learning right along with the kids.

The other thing I think is working really well is I am able to break the lessons down into very manageable steps for the kids because I am not and expert. It is like when my husband, who is a natural artist, tried to teach my oldest son how to draw, it simply was not resonating. But when I started him  with stick figures he advanced to being able to draw with my husband. Sometimes experts are the worst teachers.

My family was shocked to learn that I signed up to be the coach but really it has already been incredibly rewarding and the parents have been amazingly supportive. We play our first game next Saturday and I can not wait to see the kids on the field.

The Spirit of Sports

Sports? Is Sherry talking about sports?

Yeah...I am watching one of my favorite movies, Remember the Titans. I think this is the 20th time I have watched this movie, and I cry every single time.

I did not grow up with sports in my family, not the way some people have. But I understand the attraction some people have. Not because of the game but because of the spirit.

It is a spirit of striving for greatness, pushing your own limits, team dynamics, personal growth and strengthening bonds.

This movie shows all of that at a very critical time in our history.

I am not an athlete. I have never been a fan of a team or a player, but I understand the spirit. I can identify with it in my own little life. However for most of my life I have made myself content to watch from the sidelines.

It took  a lot of pushing to get here. Someone had to wake up a spirit inside of me. I still have a lot of training to do, more focus on self-discipline. It really comes down to self awareness.

My fitness training is teaching me that. My posture has never been right, my coordination sucks, and I tend to quit before I really need to. My trainer has convinced me that it's all just about awareness.

Wednesday at pilates I really learned about where I am weak and where I need to focus on being more flexible. As my trainer said, I was introduced to my body. Not long ago another coach introduced me to my spirit.

It's all about awareness of who you are and who you want to be. Having a goal in mind. It's what sets the players apart from the fans.

I Hope it is True Love

I am not a huge sports fan, but I love when I get free tickets to an event - especially when they are great seats! Thanks to my brother in law, last night we attended the Trashers Game (club seats!).

The  game was great! However the highlight was a skit they did called "Hockey Love." It was a version of the dating game. Three bachelors, one woman, the audience got to pick the date.

Two out of three of the bachelors were ok - so she was somewhat safe. However there was a twist at the end. The bachelor who was chosen had to choose between going on the date (Limo, restaurant, concert) with a woman he had not had a chance to see or what was behind screen #2! The close up on his face was hilarious!

He did what any gentleman, or man trying to act like a gentleman would do. He chose the date - he gets to go with this very nice lady to the Avril Lavigne  concert - which I am sure  he will enjoy more than the big screen TV and new car that he did not choose :)

You never know though - perhaps last night he found his true love and they will have a very interesting story of how they met.

Life Lessons from Volleyball

I have been playing volleyball on Wednesday nights for over a month now. This is interesting for a couple of reasons. One I did not grow up playing sports, so I am not really athletically trained. I say "trained" because I think I could have been athletic. Two of all the sports that I thought I might be interested in, Volleyball was not on the list until I met my husband who was part of a Junior Olympic team when he was young. Three for seventeen years playing with my husband has been out of the questions because of our vast differences in skill.

So now I play volleyball with him every Wednesday...

How did this happen?- Simply by me being a supportive wife and wanting to get some interest generated at the gym we go to. We both realized that we were two potential players and if we had two more we at least could play doubles and once people saw play happening more people would join in. That is exactly what has happened and it turns out there are some really good players at the gym. So I have fulfilled my wifely duties and could kindly back out. However it turns out my husband and I enjoy these Wednesday nights together.

So tonight I was taking notes on some life lessons that can be applied to these volleyball nights...

1. Allow people to coach you. Not something that I have traditionally be good at. I typically am hard enough on myself when I screw up that I do not want to hear from someone else what I did wrong. Tonight when I knew my form was off my husband pointed out that I reached for the ball as opposed to letting it come to me - oh...I just knew my form was off.

2. Be in the game. This is my biggest struggle. My mind starts going from work to groceries to assignments the kids need to get complete and oops there is the ball. I can not get all the other things accomplished at that moment, might as well focus on the ball.

3. Go for the ball - do not second guess. I think it is mine and then see someone else running toward it and I back off. Yeah...big life lesson there - just go for it - even if it hurts.

4. Celebrate your victories - even the sloppy ones.

5. Learn from those who are better than you. I realized tonight when it was just my husband and I and another couple that has been playing regularly I was playing pretty well. As soon as some "real players" came on the court I start feeling self conscious. I found myself explaining that my husband was the volleyball player not me. Well that was no way to earn any kind of respect - so I threw in - but I am learning. And so I did - I played and and listened to their coaching and I had fun.

So i will remind myself next week of Michael Jordan

When I step onto the court, I don't have to think about anything. If I have a problem off the court, I find that after I play, my mind is clearer and I can come up with a better solution. It's like therapy. It relaxes me and allows me to solve problems.