So...What's Next?!?

Life Plan - Still a Work in Progress...

Our vacation was great - it rained half the time, and I would have liked to have spent more time in DC and another day on the beach, but overall we really did enjoy ourselves.

One of the goals I had for myself to do over vacation was to develop some sort of life plan. Well, plans don't always follow the process one would expect them to follow.

I did pick up Obama's book, Dreams of My Father, while at the National Archives gift shop. It is definitely a great journey. I found myself laughing, crying, surprised, and angered. My anger came from remembering the attacks on Obama during the election and now reading the story behind those attacks, a story in a book that was written long before he was running for President. Many times I found myself reading lines out loud to my husband telling him, "imagine this... this was written before he was even considering being a US President, wow!" or "Hah! I wonder what this person thinks of him now!" or simply just "wow!"

Somehow his story helped me to understand some of my own story a little. There are very few - if any parrallels, but I found myself releasing "demons" as I read about his demons.

I saw certain scenarios in my past from a different perspective and found myself appreciating people who I once felt offended by. I think I considered alternative motives for their words and actions. I found myself forgiving some things that have hurt me for a long time. But at the same time wishing things were different and wondering what I was going to do about it.

I identified an area I want to focus on for awhile, leadership...yeah yeah...but more along the lines of how does a leader INSPIRE others? I considered looking for books on the topics and then realized that probably the best books would be biographies - so that is what I plan on stacking on my reading lists for awhile is biographies of inspirational leaders.

As far as the rest of the life plan, I know that I have to stop thinking that there are any obstacles in my way. I have to focus on how well things have gone for me, how my "intentions" have brought me opportunities that were inline with what I have expressed that I wanted. So - what else do I want?

I want to work in DC and NYC more. This of course is inline with me wanting to focus more on government 2.0 and entertainment which I have doors open for me in both areas.

I also kept thinking that I have to become bigger than social media. That the business cannot be about social media anymore, social media is just the tool, the path, there has to be a bigger offering. I have been thinking about this for a couple of months. That is the fuzzy figure that is in front of me. I can make out it's figure but I still can not describe it.

I want to lose 30 lbs...alright that just takes more focus on the consequences of my diet and lack of exercise.

I want to create memories with my kids. I want to be a family that celebrates each other's successes in life. That no matter where we each end up going in the world, we will always be family.

I want financial freedom and comfort. I am actually working on that plan more and more. Defining what that means, why I do not have it now, and what adjustments need to be made.

I guess my life plan is composed of many mini-plans. What I want my house to look like, what I want for my children, what kind of friendships I want to develop, what kind of difference I want to make in the world.

I just find it interesting that before I was able to look forward, my conscience forced me to reflect back for awhile.

The "Sherry Heyl" brand

I guess what I was asking yesterday - which I received no answer for... was what should the Sherry Heyl brand be? The Concept Hub brand has been developed and we are enhancing that brand as I write this, but what about my personal brand?

I realized this morning that is more for me to decide.

So...I have the great pleasure to hang out with Daddy-O and the guys here at the studio. I mentioned to them today that I have this writing bug inside of me and I am itching to create some more performance poetry pieces. Daddy-O has agreed to coach me on my performance style (how cool is that!) and NJ, our producer, is going to create some video assets for me to create a Sherry Heyl YouTube page.

This site is going to remain my ramblings for you to read as you wish.

The whole thought leader thing is really part of my Concept Hub brand and I am going to increase the frequency of posts to my corporate blog - but I am finding that I am starting to get restless, needing something new to create....something that is for me....so - stay tuned to see what develops...

I'm Happy

When I moved to Atlanta, my allergies would get so bad that I was very concerned that we would not be able to stay. I do not know what happened - but each year my allergies have become less and less severe and I actually have only sneezed MAYBE twice a day so far this year....I am actually able to enjoy the season this year.

Beyond that, nothing seems to be bothering me much any more. Things that used to bother me are so trivial in the bigger picture. I can hold my own during a conflict these days without getting emotional. It is exhilarating for me to experience that personal growth.

I think it is a matter of being in the muck with muck slingers vs stepping out of the muck and watching from the side lines. In the muck your adrenaline gets going and you get all involved in the drama and of course you can not see much passed the muck. On the sidelines, it all seems just funny and you can maintain a clear vision of what the core objective is without slinging any muck.

I also have a sense of confidence back that I have not felt in a very long time. It comes from being around clients and partners who have put their trust in me and express their appreciation. Yes - people will tell you that your self-confidence should come from within, and I would argue that I could not have climbed the hills and mountains I have climbed to get to where I am if I did not have self-confidence from within.

But it is very important to also surround yourself with people who are also self-confident and who truly value and trust your abilities.

One of the guys that works in the office with me came up to me to specifically mention that I always have a smile on my face and that always brightens the office up when I come in.

That made me smile even more today I think.

Of course being organized, knowledgeable and experienced helps too - something that I was not a few years ago as I was learning and creating what it is that I do  - and I am not very good at "faking it until I make it."

I just beat out a whole bunch of very talented and reputable marketing and pr firms for a deal and I was also just asked to bid on a very cool project that is pretty big. Both of these projects would have had me hiding under the covers a year ago, but now I just glide right through them knowing exactly what the process needs to be, how many hours it will take, what resources I need to allocate and what the expected result should be. I mean - that is the kind of confidence that can drive me toward bigger and more projects, and that makes me happy.

What else....

I think just clearing away whatever muck that was still attached to me and clearly seeing the path I am on and setting goals for where I want to go has just lightened up my entire being.

I have learned so much the past few years. I know I say that over and over again, but I am truly amazed when I reflect on how I used to perceive things and what experience has taught me. What used to be a big deal  I can now see is so trivial.

As I started to recognize this I felt depressed because I was wishing I could go back in time and make new choices, but now I understand I had to go through the muck to learn what I know and to see things in a new way. Perhaps the people who were hit by the muck I was throwing needed that splat for their own lesson on their journey. Perhaps it is all by design....

I don't know...but what I do know is....I am happy.

I Have Found My Perfect Mentor

I think, more than once, I have been very guilty of putting people on a pedal stool. Surprise, more than once I have been let down.

I get it now. I build up these ideas of who these other people are to a point that they, as humans, can not live up to my expectations. Believe me, once I started figuring out what I was doing and started re-balancing my expectations, life has become much easier. I also started recognizing that what I wanted from other people was really more in line with what I want for myself - so I started taking personal responsibility as opposed to setting expectations on others...

As far as mentors - I have the great fortune to work around some wonderful people. Several months ago I had lunch with a friend and apparently I was raving about one of them. She emailed me this morning to check in to see if he has been all that I thought he was.

Hmmm...that made me think for a minute. What did I expect back then and have I been disappointed?

I do not think I had exact expectations at the time - at least not looking for this particular person to do anything "for me" necessarily. I have allowed each "gift" to be a nice surprise. But more importantly is I am no longer leaning on one person to be a "mentor." There are several people in my life who conduct their lives and business in ways that I respect and learn from. These people are very accessible to me to the point that they "mentor" me simply by being near me.

I was speaking with one of them a couple of weeks ago and I explained that I have never been one to do real well sitting in a classroom listening to instructions. I learn by doing and by absorbing the good that is around me. So I have been very fortunate to have so much good around me. The expectations I set now are for me - no longer are they imposed on others.

So, "how have I found my mentor" was the question. The answer - I found my mentor inside of me.

Learning How to be a Team Player

I did not play sports growing up. I was on the waterpolo team briefly, but only because of sibling pressure and all I really did was hand out towels. I was really not involved with any clubs or bands. I joined one club, a charity club in high school but as soon as they tried to put me in a leadership role I quit.

Lately I have been reflecting on a high school memory. It was a lesson on being a leader or a follower. I hated the lesson and really did not find it valuable, accurate, or any way  beneficial to anyone. The instructors/counselors gave us questionnaires and our answers were supposed to expose whether we were leaders or followers. I did not want to be a leader. I thought of myself as being in a third category that was not being considered. I was independent.

So I answered the questions trying to avoid being tagged as a leader and was instead tagged a "follower" which was at least funny to me.

What I realize lately is that I have spent so much of my life wanting to be independent that now that I have accepted leadership roles and want to embrace the opportunities in my life I have something else to learn, how to be a team player.

Now, I was told this by one of my coaches last year, but I just assumed he had not been paying attention to who I am. I mean, I won the "peer evaluated team work award" multiple times in a previous job. I would say one of my best attributes is bringing people together to work on a project and I get along with most people, not all people, but who gets along with all people? I have also been told numerous times in my career that I am a very good listener and know how to respond to people individually. Damn it - I am a damn good team player!

But recently I have allowed myself to take on responsibilities that push the envelop a little more and I find that the reason people think I am a team player is I do not or try really hard not to let anyone down. But that often means I just do everything myself (independent). I also tend to be stubborn and not open to collaboration or to cooperation with team members who are not thinking along the same lines as me (independent). As a leader I may be able to bring people together but I am still learning the art of delegating and setting expectations. It is an art, because I have delegated and set expectations and have gotten backlash from it that I was being too bossy...I know that leadership should not be considered bossy - so I am trying to figure out that balance. I suspect it goes back to the idea that I need to learn how to collaborate and cooperate as well.

But here is where I am now. There was a time, within the past several months actually, that I would look at this situation and say "I am not cut out for this, I quit." However because of several wonderful people in my life I learned that I did have many talents that were needed and that were not being utilized properly because I was not willing to exercise the areas where I was weaker. The people that seem to have it all, have it all because they do not quit, they work on areas they need to work on and grow where they need to grow.

I am no longer ashamed when I have to say "that is an area that is still a learning curve for me" I am actually proud now. I know that the people around me have faith in me that I will learn and get better and they are able to see who I can become as well as appreciate who I am now.  They are teaching me how to lead and how to work as a team by simply providing patience as well as good examples for me to follow.

However, if anyone has any good books they recommend on this subject - let me know.

Fear of Growth?

Today I am attending our second monthly "sales accountability" meeting. I will go in reporting that SURPRISE - cold calling still works, and I still have not gotten past the letter A.

Last month my commitments to the group were 5 meetings per week, 100 dials per week and 10 people in the online training classes per week.

I have totally dropped the ball on the online training commitment, and maybe have completed a 1/3 of the dials, but my meetings have been on target.

So - if I increase my dials than most likely the ratio of meetings will go up - so I need to increase my commitment of meetings that I attend. I just need to re-focus on the online training classes.

This all sounds good in theory but there is one problem...in the back of my mind I question whether or not I can deliver on additional sales.  I have an account manager who is very good and an incredibly fast learner, but I need to be sure that I/We can  manage an increasing pipeline of work.

Over the weekend for about 15 minutes I entertained the idea of working for someone else; a bigger company that could support a bigger pipeline. But then I remembered why I went off on my own in the first place. I want to be in charge of my growth and not get pigeon holed. I think that I am in a much better position today to negotiate a role that would allow me expand my skills but I simply think I have more to learn on my own. I have some "unfinished business" in that I want to be able to achieve a certain level of success before returning to the world of bigger business.

I am very fortunate however, in being able to work with the Fuzebox team. They are growing so fast. A year ago they purchased their first office space. I was there before they has desks - I was there when they picked out the space for the studio. The past month they closed on another space.

Yesterday we had a little office party to celebrate the birthdays of Les, Daddy-O, and a couple of people on the IT Team. I had a chance to hang out a little with Glenn who is the co-founder of Fuzebox. As I explained to him, each day I come into the office I leave knowing a whole lot more about how  to manage projects and people than when I came in. I mean there has been chaos there and stress and let downs, but the level of confidence, idealism, and professionalism shines through it all. I love being able to experience that and allow it to rub off on me.

So, as I go to my Sales Accountability group, I am going to re-new my commitment to grow my business and know that I have good people surrounding me who can show me the way.

I Was Wrong

I have been thinking more about my "venting"post.

Over the years there have been many changes in my life. I had to learn to adapt to changes, to be OK when things did not go my way, to forgive the times when I felt I was let down by others. I can give long sad stories about this, but I won't - but this was a trend for much of my life.

In some ways I took control of my life in other ways I just went with the flow, adapting to changes, forgiving, not causing trouble.

Finally I saw an opportunity to be more and do more and well....things did not go my way. Something in me  snapped. I couldn't be OK as easily as I had been in the past, I couldn't forgive, I had a hard time letting go. I did and said a lot of things that I could regret today, but I have decided regret is a waste of energy. But I will say I was wrong.

There was a time in my life I would have shrugged my shoulders and said, "they did the best they knew how to do and everything is OK" but I think I used to say that as a way to self preserve, to not get upset.

Getting upset was very good for me. I vented, oh did I vent. I hated. I was venomous. I was vindictive and it was painful to me and to others.

It was so painful to me that I had to figure why I was behaving this way and how to stop. That is when the other self preservation mechanism kicked in which was to push people away or not care. It was a roller coaster ride to say the least.

I am on the other side now and I look back and think how wrong I was to be so upset, so venomous, so belittling at times and degrading people who really were doing the best the could for where they were in their life at the time.

From this other side I guess I see others being "snarky" with a different lens. I don't feel that it is productive for anyone. My venting,  as I said, was more of an observation than real venting.

I have read multiple times that the qualities we like least in OURSELVES are the ones we attack other people for. I guess I was acutely aware of a behavior that I liked least in myself.

I am at a new phase in my life. I am learning to "manage up," to coach as oppose to criticize, to influence rather than insult. I promise you this is a challenge but I have enjoyed the payoffs when it has gone well and now can see how things could have gone so much better in the past had I made different choices.

Getting it Together

Yesterday I worked from home and for most of the day I had the TV tuned into CNN. Of course the big news of the day was the tremendous amount of layoffs happening. Typically I would turn off such doom and gloom reports. I do not need that kind of stuff affecting my energy. But yesterday I found it was having a different kind of affect on my energy. It was ... energizing me.

I may have been "good enough" in the past, but good enough is not enough right now. I need to be better. I need to be more focused. I need to be at the top of my game in everything I do. This is no time to slack in any area. I realized that if during this economic time I am forced to develop better habits, I will carry those habits into better times and in the better times I may just become the person...well... the person that I have been too lazy or to distracted to become.

I started the process this morning. A couple of months ago I met with a good friend who is an amazingly talented sales person. He is someone who is passionate about sales in a way that he feels his sales skills is helping him to improve the world. I have been around a few good sales people in my life, but rarely someone like this where I am taking notes every other moment. We agreed to create a monthly "sales accountability" group and invited yet another friend of mine who has always had amazing insights. The two of them compliment each other really well in that they are both very goal oriented but one is very much on sales tactics and the other has more of a marketing mind. I am somewhere in the middle of both and can sit there and absorb every insight.

It's funny - I think back to some of the things/ideas I resisted in the past and I find myself now seeking to embrace those ideas. What I realize though is there is right time for each step in our journey. At the time I resisted the ideas I embrace today I was embracing ideas that led to other skills, knowledge, and values that now serve me.

I see the challenges in front of me for 2009 - not just with the economy, but with the added responsibilities  I have taken on and the evolution of the company. I have outlined personal growth goals which includes improving my project management skills, presentations skills, and enhancing my own visibility. Today I outlined the sales tactics that I agreed to be accountable for. The next step is to stop beating myself up for not being who I am today - yesterday. To celebrate growth as opposed to think I should've - could've - and if only....

I believe that good things have come my way because I have earned them and I will continue to strive to be better and to earn more. One of my favorite lessons I have learned recently is to embrace jealousy and envy in such a way that I learn to get what others have that I want. Not to take away from anyone - but to acknowledge the very green emotion as it rises up inside of me and to see it as a trigger to take notice, to learn how they got to where the other person is to  get my own piece of the pie.

Today I am feeling so grateful for all that I have been through in my life that has brought me to where I am today and where I am going tomorrow.

Dealing with Disappointment and Embracing Forgiveness

So much Obama coverage. So many high expectations. So much anxiety about what's next.

I have been thinking about what my blog post reaction is going to be.

Today many of us are seeing the tides changing. Bush is out, gone, see  ya', don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out....Obama is in.

I am happy. I am optimistic and hopeful. I am inspired. But I am also prepared.

Over the years I have searched for people to look up to. Many times I have been disappointed. The last time was a crushing blow to my gut on so many levels. But it was the best thing to ever happen to me.

I had to pull myself up, look at myself in the mirror and take a long and detailed inventory of what was going on in my world, on the outside and on the inside.

I see the world, not just Americans, but the world putting so much faith into one man. I give Obama a tremendous amount of credit in that he is trying to balance expectations while continuing to inspire confidence. That is a delicate balancing act and I am taking notes daily on how he handles himself. But in the end, he is going to be a huge disappointment to many people. Not because he is not capable to lead and do what's right, but because no one can please all of the people all of the time. Even Christ himself was not able to please everyone. Think about it....

I have reflected back on the past 8 years...the long, drawn out 8 years...

I did not like Bush from the moment I saw him. It had nothing to do with political party. I was a Republican at the time. yeah...hold that thought for a moment...I was a REGISTERED Republican in FL.

But there was one moment that things looked very positive. A moment I will remember forever. It was the moment of unity right after 9/11.

That is what this time reminds me of. We are experiencing a wonderful moment of unity right now, with each other and with the world. There is anxiety and chaos and heartache right now, and yet there is hope and unity.

But not to sound like a downer...that is not the point... but when all the parades have marched on and all the bands have finished playing, and the real work begins, many people will begin to experience the crash, the disappointment.

I am prepared for that disappointment, or perhaps I am prepared not to be disappointed. I know that there is a lot of good that Obama can do and I know that he has a lot of characteristics that I admire, but at the same time I am prepared to carry my own weight. I am prepared to be a part of the process and to be responsible for my actions. I will accept that he will not always make decisions I agree with.

That is what I learned from the last time I was disappointed, is that we can not put so much hope, in regards to our own life and destiny, in the hands of someone else. That is a lesson we can all benefit from if we truly want to see change in this world.

I am also starting to learn what it means to embrace forgiveness. I can tell you that all those bitter feelings hurt the person carrying them and those around that person more than it even affects the person who those bitter feelings are felt for. It makes me wonder why then, if most of us know this to be true, why is it so hard to forgive sometimes? I am starting to learn that we hold on to the bitterness in order to hold on to the person. We wish things would have been different and we think that we can make things different by staying in the presence of when things went wrong. As I begin to forgive people in my past I find myself letting them go and then my instinct says "wait, no I do not want to let them go!" And so when I try to hold on I also find that I hold on to the bitterness too.

So I am learning to embrace forgiveness, allowing it all to melt away, leaving space for something new to take it's place. It could be a new relationship, a fresh start with the same person once the air clears...or it could be a new path.

I am even embracing forgiveness of Bush. By allowing myself to forgive Bush I am actually allowing myself to be impressed with how he has handled the transition. Almost proud of him.

I find myself listening more to the position that Bush and Cheney were in and decisions they had to make. I am not convinced that there was not as much corruption and arrogance as I felt there was at the time, but I can listen and hear that there was more than just the ugliness that I suspect that existed. By embracing forgiveness I am allowing myself to find some good in the men that I could not even begin to watch on TV for so many years. Also, if I do not forgive these two men, among a few others, I will only keep them in my life along with the bitterness. I want them to go away and so I will allow myself to forgive. If, by some miracle, Bush turns out to be someone who does something great one day I will be able to see that action with fresh eyes and have a sincere appreciation as opposed to a tainted reaction.

This is a time of celebration, but I hope people are also prepared to not be disappointed or deal with the disappointment that will begin to seep in over the next few months. The last  thing we need is to allow our own expectations to let us down in the near future. We have to be prepared to do the work for ourselves. We have to forgive any bitterness we have against any one we feel has wronged us in the past. We have to work to move forward, to move ahead, to move together - in unity.

Everything in it's Own Time

Oh Patience!

Why do you abandon me so often? Leaving a void that is filled with frustration - what a demon frustration can be.

Urging me to push others in a new direction. Insisting that I stay stubborn and convinced that I am right. Always leading in a fight.

Just when I abandon all sense of hope and release the ideas of things going my way things begin to change. I am left wondering what all the fuss was and why I was so upset. Everything always works out for the best if I could just have patience. To keep a steady hand and an open heart.

Oh patience...I have seen and experienced that everything happens in it's own time. I know this to be true but it's a hard concept to accept without you.