So...What's Next?!?

Vacation Pictures

My Rock Star....

I think I am a cool mom

Alright - so my oldest son was once a really good actor. In fact someone from our past church who used to run the drama programs there recently asked me if he was still acting and I explained that he was not as interested in drama anymore she replied that was a shame because he was a natural in a way that most people strive to be. I know his 5th grade teacher who gave him the lead role in the 5th grade movie felt the same way.

But my son is into gaming right now....gaming and hip hop...but in reality - gaming vs film - what's the difference anymore? and they all have soundtracks...so acting, gaming and music would be his favorite things in life.

and well, I try to impress him by telling all the stuff that is going on at the office. We have the Raw Report working with us there now, they are producing some interesting movies - I mean - some really cool stuff is happening.

My son is 14 - he refuses to acknowledge me as cool....but he wants to know more :)

So tonight I got to tell him about a very cool meeting I attended related to Digitainment

The brief summary is that it is an effort to bring together people who are in the music, film, and game industry and to create more opportunities in GA for those industries, increasing jobs and entrepreneurship and all kinds of cool stuff.

One surprise statistic I heard was that 80% of the students who graduate from SCAD go to NY or LA. We have the ability to create opportunities for those students here and the people who were in the room today were some of the key players who can make it happen.

I was very excited to hear the presentation, not just because I would like to see Atlanta find a growing niche, but also because I get to be the cool mom playing in that niche AND if we make Atlanta cool enough, perhaps my son will not move away to NY or LA....perhaps...

Other Thoughts

To say I have a lot on my mind today would be a huge under statement. Many people hang out with a friend to talk when they have so much on their mind...I do that sometimes. But writing is how I really get thoughts out of me and out in the world to evaluate. Since blogging, I find that many of my thoughts have a common thread with what other people are going through and so I think it is very valuable to share them in the world, so that we do not feel so alone anymore....

My husband has a friend who had brain cancer last year. It is back and it is bad. He was in ICU earlier this week. Last night my husband told me they sent him home. His one request is he wants to play (guitar) - I laughed...that would be exactly what my husband would request if he were in that situation. I wonder though...the soul and spirit that goes into what you know will be your last songs....I think about Freddy Mercury's last show and the song...The show must go on.

This week I received a letter from my older son's school. They screen for Scoliosis in the 8th grade. The letter recommended further screening. I was immediately on the phone with the pediatrician. How could MY son not be perfect?????  Yesterday we took the x-rays and will know more on Monday. Everything that I have read (and if you know me you know I have read everything already - in fact I was on my Google Phone in the X-Ray room reading information) anyway, everything I have read says it is really most likely no big deal. But still...this is my kid...and then last night it hit me, how in the world do parents deal with much worse scenarios....I am still very fortunate that I have 2 very healthy boys.

I am starting to go down new paths in my career. Which I do not know what that means and where it will take me. I am ready but at the same time if you think about the visual of traveling down a path, with each step you leave something behind. With each path chosen you decide to not go down another path and will never know where it could have led. And then there are paths that looked intriguing, but had a "do not enter" sign on it...and they were serious about it. So, I am traveling a path that seems to be a wonderful fit, but I am still wondering thoughts of "what might have been..."

Anyway... there is so much more on my mind, but back to work. you might see many more blogs over the next few days.

Thinking About Loss

Facebook is wonderful in connecting  with old friends you have not seen in decades. Friends you used to get stupid with, friends who used to carry you, both emotionally and when you have had too much to drink, friends whom you thought would always be part of your life - until life put you on two different paths.

It seems a couple of decades later is too much time to reconnect the things you used to have. Life gets in the way - we are responsible now and can't do the stupid things we once did.

Don't get me wrong. I am loving re-connecting with old friends. I have spent hours and days catching up with a few and love having them in my life again...but I am also realizing we will never get back what we used to have together.

Many of my good  friends knew my father. As I reconnect with them, and reflect on times passed my memory brings me back to my old house; to the first time Matt Kennedy picked me up in his truck with Big Ed and Mhari---and my dad was not so sure about that and made a nice subtle threat to Matt. My dad was 5'3 - Matt reached at least 6ft...Matt felt threatened.  Several months later my dad agreed to let me host Mhari's 16th birthday party...and well...as the chaperon, I think my dad won "coolest  dad" that night.

So, as I reconnect with friends of the past, I reflect on what I have lost over the years, not just the passing of my father, but the loss of relationships with friends who have gone in different directions as well...friends from long ago, and even some people in my more recent history.

When my father got to the point in his deteriorating condition that I knew he could no longer be there for me I went through all the phases of losing a parent. When he actually passed 10 years later it was not so hard for me because I had long accepted that I lost my father. But what helped me get through the phases of losing a parent was realizing I could never actually lose him.

Many things I do as a parent I learned from my dad such as giving my children room to make mistakes and making sure they are responsible for those mistake, but also letting them know I am here for them with unconditional love. My eyes and my smile (my best features) come from my dad. My wit comes from my dad. My work ethic and ability to learn quickly comes from my dad. So really, dad is always with me because he became so much a part of me.

The same is true of many people who have passed through my life. Many people who have influenced me, taught me, inspired me, and cared for me. Their best qualities have been woven into my memory and my way of being.

As much as I may miss old friends and mentors, I know that those whom I have loved can never really be gone from my life, in fact, no matter how different our paths may stray now and in the future, you will always be part of my life as I carry the best of what you gave me in heart and continue to allow you to influence my life.

Soundtracks of our lives

Music is a dominant presence in my house. My husband plays bass as his main instrument, is not bad on the piano and sings. Dylan was born with a natural talent for music. My husband noticed that by the age of 2 he had perfect rhythm. Within a few weeks of getting the XBox game Rock Band he was rocking out on the drums on some pretty difficult songs. Christian is more like me, he is a fan of music but not necessarily devoted to play music. He has had piano lessons and played percussions in the school band for a few years, but has since given up both and prefers to discover new music on the web.

Several months ago we received "Grandma Heyl's" piano. We have tried to get Dylan to take lessons but he kept insisting he did not need them. The next thing I know he has the old piano lesson book out and is reading it and teaching himself how to play. He has gotten through half the book and is doing really well. So, we have decided to let him keep doing things his way. (Yeah...I know...kinda like his mom). He thinks it is really cool that I can guess which song he is playing, which is because I have heard those songs over and over again when Christian was taking lessons.

Yesterday was a day that was dominated by music. For over a week now I have had the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" stuck in my head. I do not know how it got there or why it is there...but I finally had to download it. From there I started listening to other break-up songs, and I realized how good break-up songs are, so I spent much of the day making playlists (while writing a SM business plan). Some of my favorites are

• Breaking the Habit by Linkin Pak
• Long Day by Matchbox Twenty
• My Life by Billy Joel
• Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O'Connoer
• Just to Feel Better by Santana and Steven Tyler

Later in the day I had to fulfill my promise to give Dylan his own iPod. We spent 2 hours going through my playlist of over 2,000 songs choosing songs to put on his little shuffle. He would listen to a few seconds of each song and tell me yes or no.  It turns out he is a huge fan of Tom Petty. That was a really fun process for me because of 2,000 songs there are several that I have not heard in awhile that just blast me back to the past. Recently I have been connecting with more high school friends (LOVE Facebook!) and then hearing the music from those times made it all feel so surreal.

Music has always been my way to escape the world or to enter into my own dimensions. When I moved back to live with my dad during my parent's second divorce I had 3 stereos in my room. The coolest one had an 8-track player, LP player and dual cassette player. I used to make all kinds of playlists on that stereo which ranged from Beach Boys to Motley Crew.

Today, it is one of my favorite experiences for me to watch my boys develop the sound tracks of their lives and for me to be able to be part of that.

The Guitar Pic Doesn't Fall Far From the Sky

Matt 1992

Dylan 2008

There is a Santa

So last year we decided that the family Christmas gift should be Rock Band. On Christmas eve I went to 4 different stores looking for that game. I was instructed not to come home without it. The last store had a few games in stock but they were not on the shelves. It was like you needed to know who to ask and how to ask to get them to bring one from the back. Somehow I said the right thing to the right person and was able to come home with the hottest gift of the year.

This year the only thing my younger son asked Santa for was a Wii. Now - last year the Wii was on our list but we could not find it in stock ANYWHERE! All year I have kept my eyes open for a Wii and never saw one in stock. I suppose I cold have pre-ordered one, but that is not my style. I am more of an impulse buyer. :)

Anyway - I had no intention of getting the Wii. I know it was the only thing my son asked for, but I just did not see how we could make it happen.

I also tend to not go shopping until the last minute. We started our shopping on the 23rd which I was able to buy for my oldest son and my husband. On the 24th I headed to ToysRUs to buy some gifts for my youngest.

 The goal was to buy enough gifts that would keep him excited enough to forget about the Wii. I walked through the store filling the basket with a 3 ft Batman action figure, Batman wings, Bioncles, a jumping game and so forth. 

As I was getting ready to check out I realized I should buy some more wrapping paper. Then I remembered that I needed tape. I walked over to customer service to ask where there was tape and at that exact moment there stood a man returning a Wii game system. Apparently he had received two - the box had not been opened. I stood in shock.

"Is that a Wii game system?" I asked not believing the words coming out of my mouth. "Yes" said the lady as she walked passed me to return it to the game section. "Is that the only one?" I asked? "Yes" she said

I smiled and said, "well, I think I will follow you." The game was handed over to the man in the gaming section who smiled at me knowing how lucky I was at that very moment. He rang up the game and asked me if I would also like to purchase their last Wii Fit. "I guess I should" I said.

It was so hard to spend Christmas eve without telling the family what occurred. For the 2nd Christmas eve in a row I was able to find and purchase the hardest gift to find. When my younger son woke up this morning, before we opened gifts,  all he could talk about was getting the Wii, it was the only thing he asked Santa for. When he opened that gift my husband sighed a huge relief and my oldest son was as shocked as I was yesterday when the gift was delivered to me.

So, I bet you can guess how we will be spending the day. 

Relished the Opportunity to be a VERY COOL MOM!

Tomorrow my oldest son turns 14. My goal is to take him on a trip to NYC for his birthday. That is still in the planning stage. But this weekend I had the opportunity to expose him to a little NYC right here in Atlanta. An opportunity that I knew would be pretty cool, but was ignorant to how cool it really was.

There is an amazing monthly event that my friend Chris Cornell puts on each month called STIR. Chris brings together talent such as spoken word artist, jazz musicians, soul singers, hip hop artist, painters, dancers, and more for a 5 hour evening of thought provoking entertainment. A few months ago I attended the event for the first time and knew it was something both my husband and my oldest son would enjoy. It is not an event that is typically for a 14 year old, but my son had parental consent.

I also invited Daddy-O. I work with Daddy-O at Fuzebox. Our desks are next to each other and on some days we spend more time talking or debating about society and life than we do actually getting work done. Daddy-O and Les (founder of Fuzebox) go back a number of years and I recalled how excited Les was that Daddy-O was going to be a Fuzebox partner focused on our production studio. I was told about his background as a producer for some mainstream artists and an A&R guy for some big labels. OK...That's cool.

I told my son that Daddy-O would be joining us. My son is a pretty big hip=hop fan, but never heared of Daddy-O. Of course, neither had I until I met him.

We arrived at the location at the same time as Daddy-O and his son and guest. We made the round of introductions and proceeded to the elevator. As the doors were closing one of the artist waved at us inquiring "are you Daddy-O" which was confirmed as Daddy-O waved back.

We mingled around the art gallery and the vendor booths and then took our seats at the tables up front that I had reserved to watch the performances. After about the 3 performance, the host of the show recognized that it was Daddy-O sitting with us, and that was it,  he was the celebrity of the night...sitting next to my son.

My son learned that the man he was sitting next to was one of the lead performers in one of the ORIGINAL Hip-Hop Bands, Stetsasonic.

Yeah....Daddy-O had recently sent me some information about his band and is excited to be performing with his group again this week in NYC, but I did not really pay attention.

Yeah...I was the whitest person in there last night, not because of the color of my skin, but because of my ignorance of the legendary status of the person I spend several days with. That's cool, and I look forward to working with him, but what was really cool was watching my son enjoy an amazing show while sitting next to a VIP.

However, I have to say Daddy-O is one of those cool people who is just who he is. He is the second "big-time" person that I have sat in an office with for at least 2 weeks before realizing exactly why everyone else was making such a big deal about them; the first person was Chris Klaus...yeah...I had no clue for the first 2 weeks I spent with him at Kaneva (but I digress).

Tonight my husband got to be a VERY COOL Dad and took my oldest son and his 2 friends to Netherland Haunted House. Tomorrow will be the grand birthday finish which will simply be BBQ and Birthday cake with the extended family.

As I told my husband last night though, it is a really great feeling that we are able to share these experiences with our kids.

People Puzzles

Last night I took the boys (all three of them) to the Braves game. Thanks to a friend of mine we have the privilege of getting awesome club level seats, which does change the game a bit.

When I got home, around 4:30, ready to get everything together for the game I was faced with 2 boys who were not thrilled about going. My oldest has always been the type who needs routine and advanced warning.  I had not given him enough advance warning that we were going to the game.  My youngest, I swear he just looks for opportunities to be difficult sometimes, and so he decided he did not like baseball.

I let them pick out a restaurant to eat at before going down to the field. That seemed to perk them up and off we went. My oldest was much more into going to the game by this point. My youngest was still being difficult. We get downtown, parked, and started walking toward the stadium. My youngest makes the statement that when he grows up he will never come downtown, he does not like the city. My oldest looks at him and basically tells him he is crazy. My oldest loves the city and is dying to get up to NYC. By the end of the night my youngest was very in to the game and really understanding what was going on and cheering enthusiastically. My oldest was in the club area with my husband enjoying an ice cream cone and not caring about the game.

So here is why I titled this "people puzzles." The whole night I was amused at how wrong any assumptions I could make were. I assumed the boys would be excited and ready to go to the game when I got home, I was faced with just the opposite. When my oldest son was starting school we moved to the suburbs (although we prefer the city) because we felt our oldest would do better in the suburbs based on his personality. He actually prefers the city. I have been counting the years until we can move in-town, thinking that when my oldest graduates in 4 years we could move my youngest to the city because he has a personality that would do well in that environment, he claims to hate the city. My oldest was more interested in going to the game but barely paid attention. My youngest said he hated baseball, but ended up actually knowing quite a bit about the game and really got into it.

These are my own kids whom I have known their whole life. I feel I know them really well, and yet they change their personalities on me continuously and are never exactly what I expected.

I began to think about the assumptions we make about people whom we barely know. Work relationships, friends, neighbors. We are often so full of assumptions and opinions of other people when we really know very little about them and when we have no way to keep up with their continuous changes. People are changing all the time. I hear and talk about how fast technology changes....technology is a snail to how fast an individual person can change. We also have so many, possibly an unlimited amount of facets to our personalities, it is impossible to know who or why a person is as they are at the moment. I could, and if I had the time, would dive into the various psychological theories. But the point is, or lesson learned, is when we are dealing with another person in our life, we need to pause to figure out who they are at that moment and how that fits in with the situation at hand. Assumptions and memories of the past are major obstacles to getting to know another person.