So...What's Next?!?

Grumpy Grumpy

I got grumpy today - it happens sometimes.

It started with being tired. Last night at 11:30 I stared at the clock knowing that my alarm was going to go off in 6 hours and I would prefer 8 hours of sleep.

So, even with...oh ...4 hours of sleep, the day still started out well. I met a very spirited woman who had a life plan. She is "in a career transition" right now - but wow - she was an inspiration to me.

I had a quick meeting at the office at 11 and then I came home to the kids. The house was a mess and the kids were on totally opposite pages. One wanted to go out to eat and the other one wasn't hungry.

I sat on the couch and began to catch up on some reading...and also began to fall asleep...of course the brief nap only made me want to actually take a nap and the dishes were dirty and the kids were hungry and there is a whole lot of mail I need to go through plus I need to get stuff ready for vacation...I was starting to get grumpy. And then it happened, the straw that pushed me over the edge. I checked my voice mail and there was a message from someone that was being completely ridiculous and speaking to me like a child.

Those of you who know me can insert the loud, annoyed, frustrated growling scream that I let out.

That was it, I was grumpy! Fortunately my older son knows how to not take it seriously when I get in this mood, and in fact knows how to push my buttons to make me laugh as I growl. He's a good kid!

I went to bed and just wanted to curse this person out, tell her how stupid she was being, and just completely let loose on her. Then I thought of someone that I have the pleasure of working with, someone that I completely look up to and how he would never let such a person steal even a minute of his energy and focus. In that brief moment I experienced a great life lesson. But I still did not like her.

I needed to shake it off. My husband came home early and took care of the rest of the house for me. I grabbed a spiritual book and went in the backyard and laid down on the hammock. When I had the chance to explain to my husband what set me off it dawned on me how silly the story really was - it really was nothing that I needed to give a second thought to.

As the grumpiness began to fade, for some reason I held on to it for a moment, thinking there was a reason I should feel grumpy, but as I thought about it I realized I actually have no reason whatsoever for grumpiness...I mean it was a beautiful evening, my happy healthy family was in the house while I was hanging out on my hammock - um -yeah - and I was going to let some stupid comments ruin the moment.

I think not.

It's Like Driving

Anyone who has worked closely on a complex project with me will know I tend to use lots of analogies when trying to explain something that is hard to explain. For example the PBA project I am working on has by all accounts become a restaurant based on all of the restaurant analogies that have been used.

So, I realized, while holding on for dear life in the passenger seat of my husband's car, that my thought process this weekend is like driving. Sometimes you have to slow down!

You know those turns that you will lose control on if you don't slow down or the speed humps that will tear your car up if you hit them at any normal speed, yeah, well, life can throw turns and humps at you too, but the signs are not always clearly posted to warn you in time.

I simply need to slow down as I round a few turns and go over a couple of humps. I have done some things really well to date, but as I keep saying, some things HAVE to get better, which means I need to put a little more diligent time and focus on very specific items, which means slowing down. I also realize this is not a permanent decision, just because I adjust some things now does not mean I can not pick up full speed ahead in the very near future.

I know people who think that you have to keep the accelerator to the floor. I think it is important to take in some of the scenery, maybe stop to have a cup of coffee at the local shop, or to throw in a cliche' - stop and smell the roses.

Seriously, "change is coming" in a variety of ways, and I need to be ready for the next phase which means slowing down for the turns and the humps. The scenery I am seeking right now are in good role models that can lead me to where I want to go next. As I said to a friend today, I am at a point right now where I want to be led (by someone worthy) rather than lead for awhile. Not in my work necessarily, my clients are my greatest teachers there, but in the bigger picture.

As I told my husband tonight, I feel what I am doing is being mature enough to know where my "place" is and what I can accomplish and what I am not yet ready to take on and to asking the right people to help me as opposed to hanging on for dear life as we lose control and head over a cliff.

It is like driving, there are those who follow all the rules, and get to their destination...eventually. Those who drive way too slow and annoy everyone around them. Those who are simply reckless and scare and upset everyone around them. I tend to drive a bit over the speed limit, respectful to the cars around me, but cautious of the rain and the turns and the humps, because well, I have lost control in each of those situations in reality and in the way it applies to the analogy.

Let Go of the Things that No Long Serve You

I stopped going to the Unity Church a little over a year ago. I am still in search of something new for the next phase of my spiritual journey. However there are two events at Unity that I cherish. One is the 24 hours of prayer which I attended a couple of weeks ago. It is when they set up meditation areas around different areas of "interest" and keep the church open for 24 hours. Officially it is a worldwide event focused on peace. The first year I attended was just an amazing personal experience for me and helped me focus more on me and my needs than I have ever allowed myself to do before. This past time I was feeling really good, on track, and healthy in every way when I attended and was not sure what I would gain from the experience. I walked in and immediately was greeted with the realization that there were more areas that I needed to focus on, and so I did.

The other service the church offers that I still cherish is their New Year's Eve burning bowl ceremony where you are given the opportunity to burn the emotions, ideas, thoughts and attitudes that no longer serve you. We have adopted this practice at home, because once a year is simply not enough. We have a fire pit in our back yard. Last year, after dealing with a long and very challenging 7th grade my son and I spent the evening of the last day of school burning books and school notes. It was a wonderful bonding experience.

Anyway, as I move through this journey I find the concept of letting go of the things that no longer serve you is one of the best things anyone can do for themselves, but not nearly as simple as it sounds.

First material things. I am not a pack rat in any way. Part of my house cleaning routine is to constantly put things in the trunk of my car to take to Goodwill. One of the parents on the soccer team suggested that we have a yard sale to raise money for an end of the season party and I just gave her a blank stare because I would have nothing to add to the yard sale, as soon as something is outdated, it is out.

On the idea of past experiences that no longer serve you, that is where it gets more complicated. I think I have attempted to throw out the good with the bad, to only later find out that I feel like I am missing something. There is also the "people equation." One of the things Unity stresses during the burning bowl ceremony is to not burn any people, meaning you are not allowed to eliminate the people in your life, just the feelings, attitudes, or attachments that you may have to them. This coincides with the Zen Meditation center I attended for awhile who taught that people will continue to come in our lives until we have resolved our karmic attachment to them. Basically there is an entanglement that is much more complex when it comes to people. Something I have learned quite well along the way.

But then there are the experiences of life. I think sometimes we look at our past experiences and allow them to dictate what our future path will be. I think that ends up closing a lot of doors for people or blocks their way to achieving the goals they would truly like to achieve. What if we were able to first map out a plan of where we want to go, then gather up all of our experience and decide what will serve us on our journey, and then set the rest aside. I believe what happens is we free up space to gain new and relevant experience for our journey to our designated destination.

Something I have learned along the way is it is important to take inventory on a constant basis, of not only our material or financial resources, but of our emotional and mental knowledge. We need to set aside or get rid of what is not serving us anymore and then allow for something new, something unexpected to be introduced, all the while staying focused on our own selected path.

People Puzzles

Last night I took the boys (all three of them) to the Braves game. Thanks to a friend of mine we have the privilege of getting awesome club level seats, which does change the game a bit.

When I got home, around 4:30, ready to get everything together for the game I was faced with 2 boys who were not thrilled about going. My oldest has always been the type who needs routine and advanced warning.  I had not given him enough advance warning that we were going to the game.  My youngest, I swear he just looks for opportunities to be difficult sometimes, and so he decided he did not like baseball.

I let them pick out a restaurant to eat at before going down to the field. That seemed to perk them up and off we went. My oldest was much more into going to the game by this point. My youngest was still being difficult. We get downtown, parked, and started walking toward the stadium. My youngest makes the statement that when he grows up he will never come downtown, he does not like the city. My oldest looks at him and basically tells him he is crazy. My oldest loves the city and is dying to get up to NYC. By the end of the night my youngest was very in to the game and really understanding what was going on and cheering enthusiastically. My oldest was in the club area with my husband enjoying an ice cream cone and not caring about the game.

So here is why I titled this "people puzzles." The whole night I was amused at how wrong any assumptions I could make were. I assumed the boys would be excited and ready to go to the game when I got home, I was faced with just the opposite. When my oldest son was starting school we moved to the suburbs (although we prefer the city) because we felt our oldest would do better in the suburbs based on his personality. He actually prefers the city. I have been counting the years until we can move in-town, thinking that when my oldest graduates in 4 years we could move my youngest to the city because he has a personality that would do well in that environment, he claims to hate the city. My oldest was more interested in going to the game but barely paid attention. My youngest said he hated baseball, but ended up actually knowing quite a bit about the game and really got into it.

These are my own kids whom I have known their whole life. I feel I know them really well, and yet they change their personalities on me continuously and are never exactly what I expected.

I began to think about the assumptions we make about people whom we barely know. Work relationships, friends, neighbors. We are often so full of assumptions and opinions of other people when we really know very little about them and when we have no way to keep up with their continuous changes. People are changing all the time. I hear and talk about how fast technology changes....technology is a snail to how fast an individual person can change. We also have so many, possibly an unlimited amount of facets to our personalities, it is impossible to know who or why a person is as they are at the moment. I could, and if I had the time, would dive into the various psychological theories. But the point is, or lesson learned, is when we are dealing with another person in our life, we need to pause to figure out who they are at that moment and how that fits in with the situation at hand. Assumptions and memories of the past are major obstacles to getting to know another person.

Lesson Learned

Have I already titled a post that? Probably. That is what this blog is about, my journey, including lessons learned.

So, 5 + years ago, my husband and I were in a few rough places. It was around that time I went to Unity North Church to check it out. Neither my husband or I cared much for the whole church thing, but we wanted to find something to give our kids a foundation and frankly needed something for ourselves at the time.

I came home that first week with a thumbs up, it was a church we would like. The next week we had a hell of a time getting there. EVERYTHING went wrong that morning! Without going into details, it was a morning where the consequences of all of our bad habits seemed to be crashing in on us. I was ready to give up and go back to bed. The one big thing I absolutely love about my husband is he never lets me give up, and he made sure we made it to church that day.

The sermon that morning was that the Universe will keep giving you the same lesson over and over again until you learn what you need to know and can then move forward. It was such an appropriate message for us. It made us feel less stressed about the morning and more focused on learning our lessons and escaping our bad habits. We are getting there. We have come A LONG way since that morning. But I am often reminded of that entire event, from the downfall, to the message, to the lessons learned. Each time I see a pattern repeating itself I am now more aware that the Universe is trying really hard to get something through my head.

The lesson recently is to delegate. I heard it again last night from a board member who felt he did not know what he needed to be doing. Every time something needs to be done, before action can be taken, it is already resolved.

I can take this lesson back to about 3 years ago. I was stressed that I was cleaning the house, paying the bills, working, managing the kids school work and activities, and I was simply cracking up. I literally kept hearing the words in my head over and over again that I need to learn to manage things better. I finally understood that meant to delegate. I have gotten better at that, and the boys are wonderful about doing whatever is asked of them, I just have to remember to ask.

When my team was working with me to build this company I would get stressed out that I was too busy and could not handle all the details. Tim told me over and over again, I needed to delegate.

Last night I heard it again. Delegate.

So, this is my area of focus for awhile, I need to learn how to delegate. Alright...I think I know what steps I need to take to be able to do this. I am sure there is a 12 step program somewhere - if not I will create it, because I know this is a lesson other women in the world need to learn. Delegate.

Breathe

I have been really heads down in a few different projects. Next week many things will be coming together. I literally have a strategy meeting planned every single day next week. This is good. I also am looking to make some significant changes in the next few weeks. More on that later, once things are more solidified.

I conducted session 2 of the the training series again today and we came up with some great ideas, a couple I had never thought of. I think I get almost as much from these sessions as the students. I am planning on pushing those up a few notches as well.

The boys start school in a couple of weeks, and that means back to school shopping. Plus we still have not gone to the beach this summer. We are supposed to go Aug1-3 but Linkin Park is coming to concert on the 3rd, which just puts us in a major dilemma.

Matt is back on a crazy deadline for his project. He is doing his best to maintain balance by staying with a music project to record one of his current favorite songs as well as playing volleyball.

Next week I plan to start working with a strength trainer so that I can get in a little better shape before I start the HIT training class which is a class focused on various fighting disciplines from karate to kick-boxing. It is a serious 6 days a week for 6 weeks class.

I am gearing up to take on a couple more clients as well. It's all good, but can get overwhelming at times. I have learned to just breathe. When I used to  feel the tension coming on I either pushed it away (or so I thought) or allowed it to overwhelm me causing some bizarre reactions. Now I know better than to push it away, instead I have learned to breathe and focus on the underlying cause and to find the solution. It is working much better.

I think I will add another (work in progress) 100 list to this site. 100 things I have learned since launching this company. One big one I thought of today is to not allow people to push you. There is one particular person (and no, not you) who I still get really annoyed at when I think of how she handled things. More importantly is how I handle the situation, because that is what I can learn from. I learned to manage people better. We were working side by side so I never thought of myself in a management role, which I guess meant she felt she was in the management role and thought she was directing the path we were taking. She stepped over the line more than once when she felt I was not going her direction and she pushed me in ways I was not ready to be pushed. So, I have also learned to not take that personally and to start explaining to people where I am at right now and  to allow me to move at my own pace.

You know, that is where my mom and other members of my family struggle the most with me. They wanted me to move and do things at their pace. Once they realized I have my own rhythms and speed and accepted that I will get to where I am going, we have greatly improved our relationship. I think I need to realize that myself and when I feel pushed, simply slow down and breathe.