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Independence Is What You Make It

For the past week I have received several hits on my website from the search string "What Does Independence Mean?" The post they are finding is one I wrote last year after trying to explain to my younger son why we shoot off fireworks each year.

While writing that post I was also thinking about the struggles I had gone through in very recent years to declare my own independence. I wrote about the battles that it takes to gain ones independence not just from others but from our own mindset that keeps us attached to the status quo.

This year as I stress and worry about making payroll each month and listen to the many stories of people losing their jobs or companies making drastic cuts I find myself waking up earlier and staying up later to make it through this recession. This is what independence means to me. My life is in my hands and I am responsible for the outcome. There is a quote;

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. - Viktor Frankl

Each day I am looking at how I can reinvent myself, my business models and my relationships.

To change and to take responsibility for my life is a freedom I have, as a person and as an American. Freedoms that I think many of us take for granted.

Recently I heard a story about a family that recently moved to America from a socialist country. At first I thought "what a wonderful adventure they would have being in a new country where a trip to a Super Walmart on their first night was an introductory tour through all the richness in this country."

Well things are not working out so great for this family yet. They come from a country where even though they do not have much they also do not have to strive much. They did as they were told and got what was available. They did not have to strive nor was there any incentive to strive for better - better did not exist.

So they find themselves in a new country where they must be competitive, where everyone is after what you have and where your life is what you make it. They are struggling. They do not know how to strive and they can't seem to find where their next hand out will come from.

In this country you get to chose your path and how far you go. You can go far or you can stay knocked down. There are many options.  The world is truly available to you.   A freedom yes, but more importantly a great responsibility.

Happy New Year Everyone

You know, kids are our greatest teachers.

Mine tend to question everything - the oldest does so to learn more, to get a deeper understanding and sometimes because he is simply in the mood for a good debate. My youngest does so because he takes things so literally and needs everything to fit perfectly in place and constantly asks questions to make sure all his knowledge is in logical order. If what you are explaining to him does not fit in with what he knows, then he will argue. It can be frustrating sometimes.

Last night for our New Years tradition we attempted to conduct our own burning bowl ceremony. There were a lot of questions about what was the point.

I tried so hard to explain that it is not so much about the tradition as it is about the feelings, the intentions, the energy behind the tradition. That there are many traditions in the world, and one is not more valuable than the other. I personally feel like a lot of people follow traditions because they are supposed to, it is part of their culture or just what they have always done. I suppose that helps pass along stories and lessons about the history of a culture, but the power that was once behind some traditions is lost. I know that I was/am a lot like my boys in  that I questioned everything and at one point wanted nothing to do with traditions and rituals. But lately I am finding new appreciations for them and wanting to find some traditions and rituals that have  meaning for me.

My oldest was really trying to grasp why we celebrate the new year. In reality it is just another day - nothing magical happens. It is a measurement of time. He is right. But we celebrate because globally we have assigned a meaning to each new year. We have in some ways agreed that January 1st is a new beginning, a fresh start. How powerful is that if we each truly put some real energy in that.

In reality you can not start with a blank slate, you bring into the new year all the baggage that was there yesterday. But you can decide to do things differently this year. You can set goals and measure the progress in the year. You can reflect on the past year and appreciate the good that has come in your life and commit to nurturing that good.

I did a lot of that last night. So much good, an overwhelming amount of good has come into my life in 2008. My family, my home, my partnership with Fuzebox, the clients I get to work with, my personal growth. When I list it like this it seems like such a typical list but I assure you that there has been nothing typical in these blessings. They have truly been overwhelming and at times very humbling.

A few years ago I had many breakthroughs in my life. One was that I resisted a lot of good that was in my reach. Since then I have really tried to allow myself to open up more and be more accepting of the gifts that others try to offer and it has been life changing.

The key goal for me this year is to focus on the good, to be open to all the good things that are offered to me and to not allow set backs to set me back.

That is the energy I want to put into the tradition of the new year and in to my life, and with that energy I sincerely wish everyone in the world a Happy New Year.

There is a Santa

So last year we decided that the family Christmas gift should be Rock Band. On Christmas eve I went to 4 different stores looking for that game. I was instructed not to come home without it. The last store had a few games in stock but they were not on the shelves. It was like you needed to know who to ask and how to ask to get them to bring one from the back. Somehow I said the right thing to the right person and was able to come home with the hottest gift of the year.

This year the only thing my younger son asked Santa for was a Wii. Now - last year the Wii was on our list but we could not find it in stock ANYWHERE! All year I have kept my eyes open for a Wii and never saw one in stock. I suppose I cold have pre-ordered one, but that is not my style. I am more of an impulse buyer. :)

Anyway - I had no intention of getting the Wii. I know it was the only thing my son asked for, but I just did not see how we could make it happen.

I also tend to not go shopping until the last minute. We started our shopping on the 23rd which I was able to buy for my oldest son and my husband. On the 24th I headed to ToysRUs to buy some gifts for my youngest.

 The goal was to buy enough gifts that would keep him excited enough to forget about the Wii. I walked through the store filling the basket with a 3 ft Batman action figure, Batman wings, Bioncles, a jumping game and so forth. 

As I was getting ready to check out I realized I should buy some more wrapping paper. Then I remembered that I needed tape. I walked over to customer service to ask where there was tape and at that exact moment there stood a man returning a Wii game system. Apparently he had received two - the box had not been opened. I stood in shock.

"Is that a Wii game system?" I asked not believing the words coming out of my mouth. "Yes" said the lady as she walked passed me to return it to the game section. "Is that the only one?" I asked? "Yes" she said

I smiled and said, "well, I think I will follow you." The game was handed over to the man in the gaming section who smiled at me knowing how lucky I was at that very moment. He rang up the game and asked me if I would also like to purchase their last Wii Fit. "I guess I should" I said.

It was so hard to spend Christmas eve without telling the family what occurred. For the 2nd Christmas eve in a row I was able to find and purchase the hardest gift to find. When my younger son woke up this morning, before we opened gifts,  all he could talk about was getting the Wii, it was the only thing he asked Santa for. When he opened that gift my husband sighed a huge relief and my oldest son was as shocked as I was yesterday when the gift was delivered to me.

So, I bet you can guess how we will be spending the day. 

100 Things I am Thankful For

alright  - I admit I have not made it to 100 in any of the lists that I started in the margin - but I think I can get through this by breaking it up....let's see...

Starting with the person I am with 24/7 - me - because I have learned that it is important to appreciate ourselves....

1. I am thankful for my eyes - yes I like them as much as everyone else.
2. I am thankful that I have a GREAT body underneath the 30lbs that I will be losing over the next year.
3. I am thankful that I am a really fast learner - it gives me the confidence to take on almost any challenge.
4. I am thankful for my independent spirit that has pushed me away from the crowds at some very opportune times.
5. I am thankful for my sense of humor - the one that can not always express itself, but that helps me cope with the oddities in life.
6. I am thankful for my work ethic - it has kept me employed no matter what the markets have done.
7. I am thankful for my desire to write - my own words have often been exactly what I needed to read at times.
8. I am thankful that I feel like I am a good mom
9. I am thankful that I am  the type of person that enjoys self-improvement
10. I am thankful that I have many diverse interests that keeps my life full of exploration.

OK...now to those closest to me - my boys.
11. I am thankful to have a son that inspires me to be a better person.
12. I am thankful to have a son that makes me laugh.
13. I am thankful to have a son has an incredible creative mind which never ceases to amaze me.
14. I am thankful to have a son who is so independent and incredibly smart.
15. I am thankful to have a son who is so caring about the world he lives in.
16. I am thankful to have a son who is so loving.
17. I am thankful to have a son who dares to challenge my assumptions.
18. I am thankful  to have a son who continues to teach me to manage my temper.
19. I am thankful to have two boys who are happy and healthy.
20. I am thankful to have two boys who are safe and provided for.

OK...now the man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with
21. I am thankful to have a husband who has been willing to roll with the tides.
22. I am thankful to have a husband who is willing to trust my judgment during the times I have not been so sure of myself.
23. I am thankful to have a husband who seems to always find me incredibly cute and sexy.
24. I am thankful to have a husband who is also wonderful father.
25. I am thankful to have a husband who is incredibly talented and entertaining.
26. I am thankful to have a husband who has a wonderful career which he enjoys.
27. I am thankful to have a husband who is willing to learn and grow alongside of me.
28. I am thankful to have a husband who will never grow old.
29. I am thankful to have a husband who likes to pamper me.
30. I am thankful to have a husband who is trustworthy and faithful.

And then there is the family who made me the 'me' I get to be.

31. I am thankful for my mom's independent spirit and determination.

32. I am thankful to my dad's giving and non-judgmental nature.

33. I am thankful to my oldest brother for sharing with me his love of history.

34. I am thankful to my older brother for the many nights he read stories to me.

35. I am thankful to my younger brother for the opportunity to be a big sister.

36. I am thankful to all my family for the wonderful lessons of forgiveness.

37. I am thankful to all my family for the real meanings of unconditional love.

38. I am thankful to all my family for the entertaining stories I get to share about you.

39. I am thankful to all my family for the best-selling book I will write about you one day.

40. I am thankful to all of you for the love, support, and guidance that you have often offered me.

And then there are my very dear friends.

41. Janeen for being a big sister to me since I was 4.

42. Charmaine for being the true meaning of loyal friend.

43. Mhari for being my soul-sister and being part of some great high-school memories.

44. Matt Kennedy for always being a wonderful inspiration.

45. Chris Irrizary - for being my punching bag when I needed one, and also being my last minute senior prom date.

46. Pat & Kirsten from FSU - for opening my eyes to the world beyond our borders.

47. Tim Moenk - for making me laugh and feel good about myself when I needed it most.

48. Jim Stroud - for your never ending enthusiasm to be involved in whatever I come up with next.

49. Kevin Howarth - for raising my self-esteem to levels where I felt like I could do some of the things I ended up doing.

50. all those that are not named - there are lots of you who have been my cheerleaders, supporters, teachers, guides, tormentors, and co-conspirators.

Now - let's see how about business

51. I am thankful for my growing business.

52. I am thankful for all the mentors that seem to arrive at the exact moments I need them.

53. I am thankful for the companies who are working on developing partnerships with me.

54. I am thankful for the amazing people I have had the opportunity to work with and learn from over the years.

55. I am thankful for Les and Glen and Lawrence and Daddy-O  and everyone at Fuzebox for giving me a "home and family."

56. I am thankful to the community that has embraced and promoted my ideas.

57. I am thankful to my clients who have put their trust in me, guided me, and paid me on time (would you believe EVERY client has paid on time the past 3 years!)

58. I am thankful for the referrals I have received.

59. I am thankful for the advice and the amazing endorsements and compliments.

60. I am thankful for having the courage and dedication to make this business happen.

Alright, what about life in general

61. I am thankful that the peak of fall is always on my birthday.

62. I am thankful that my allergies are not as bad as they once were.

63. I am thankful for the ability to grow, learn, and change.

64. I am thankful for my health.

65. I am thankful for technology.

66. I am thankful for pants that stretch.

67. I am thankful having the perfect trees to hang a hammock on.

68. I am thankful for the opportunity to ride in a Porche recently - that was fun.

69. I am thankful for good food, good music, and good art.

70. I am thankful for the ability have a good night's sleep in a warm and comfortable bed.

Alright - let's see if I can stretch this out globally.

71. I am thankful for the people who share their opinions and ideas.

72. I am thankful for free markets.

73. I am thankful for people who are brave enough to stand-up for positive change.

74. I am thankful for the richness of the many different cultures.

75. I am thankful for the ability to know about and to actually know people from all parts of the world.

76. I am thankful for the ability to travel to many parts of the world.

77. I am thankful for movies like Lord of the Rings that can bring us to the most awe-inspiring places on earth.

78. I am thankful for the shared dreams of peace, prosperity and responsibility that expands across the globe.

79. I am thankful for the abundance that comes from our mother earth.

80. I am thankful for the light shows that come during an amazing storm.

and can I take it to the Universe...hmmm.

81. I am thankful for the spirit (add your name of choice) that connects us all.

82. I am thankful for the ability to understand the Universe on small but ever growing levels.

83. I am thankful for the guidance that is provided by the Universe.

84. I am thankful for the life that has been born from the Universe.

85. I am thankful for being able to see the amazing beauty of the Universe.

86. I am thankful for the answers that the Universe has provided.

87. I am thankful for the balance of the Universe.

88. I am thankful that the Universe is so overwhelmingly large and complex and can never be fully understood.

89. I am thankful for the peacefulness that's is part of the Universe.

90. I am thankful for the idea that out of chaos and destruction comes new life.

Alright - last 10....just random stuff...

91. I am thankful for medicine, from aspirin to stuff that cures bad diseases.

92. I am thankful for the times I have been at the right place at the right time.

93. I am thankful for the decisions that have taught me to try something different.

94. I am thankful for the ability to decide to be happy in life.

95. I am thankful for my education.

96. I am thankful for good childcare providers.

97. I am thankful for dedicated teachers.

98. I am thankful for the ability to make a difference.

99. I am thankful that those who have passed can continue to live on in our hearts and memories and we can tap into their "spirit" when we need them most. I miss you dad.

100. Most of all, I am thankful I have so much to be thankful for.

and the list goes on

- hot showers

- good alcohol

- starbucks

- free wifi

- book stores

Let the holidays begin!

For the first time, as far as I can remember, I have a head start on holidays (at least for me).

This weekend the family and I went to the Picture People to get our family photos taken. I will share them when we get around to scanning them.

We also made holiday cards for friends and family and I made some holiday cards for work. My husband is a little concerned that my work holiday cards are a bit...um... well you'll just have to see them for yourself. They were a hit at the studio - everyone kept saying that they will have my phone ringing off the hook - but for what kind of service, that was up for debate.

Today my son and I were back at the mall to get another matching frame for a picture of our dog. While we were waiting, a marching band was leading the way for Santa Claus. It is the same Santa Claus that we have been visiting since my 14 year old was about 5, and he still looks the same. I suspect that he might be the "real Santa Claus" - so I might just have to get my list together.

The mall is already packed! You can not tell that there is a recession based on the amount of people strolling through the mall. I can not believe how rude people can be at this time of the year too. For our photos we lugged in all the Rock Band instruments and I had a change of clothes and several other props for my work picture. As we were walking through the mall obviously carrying way too much stuff, the people who were walking toward us would stand right in our way as though it was our problem to figure out how to get around them. People are not typically like this, typically people give you space when they see you walking with lots of stuff, but for some reason, that was not the case yesterday.

We also located the idea parking space when we arrive yesterday, which was important since we had so much stuff to carry in. But my silly husband was courteous enough to allow another car to "pass" before we turned in to the space that we were at first...yeah - you can guess the rest - she took our spot.

Anyway - those were just a couple of observations of how people are behaving, which makes me think that people are shopping and spending and going about their holiday craziness in spite of the financial news on CNN.

" What are you doing for the holidays" is the common question that everyone keeps asking. 

Thanksgiving will be spent with my husband's family, Christmas at home and then we will be heading to South FL. This may be an interesting year to visit South FL because my step-father's daughter and her family may be able to move here from Cuba, so I will not be able to stay with my mom, not sure where we will stay.

Also, thanks to Facebook, my husband and I  have re-connected with some high school friends and hope to be able to visit with them if we have time.

Let the holidays beging.

Service

Today is Veteran's day, and like most people, it is just another day for me. I know there will be some parades and commercial type "thank yous", a few friends will send their thoughts to their veteran friends.

But this morning I took a moment to think about this day for a moment. It struck me that I come from a family of service. My dad was in the Air Force, two of my brother's were in the Army. My older brother was almost sent to Iraq, but the war ended so soon. After the Army he became a police officer. My oldest brother never served but he is a Fire Fighter. My young brother served in the Army and fought in a few battles and is now on disability because of those fights.

Only one time have I really thought about the sacrifice of service . When my older brother was packing to go back into the Army because of the Iraq war he was leaving behind a wife and 1 year old son. I remember writing a letter of encouragement to him explaining the service that he was doing for his country and his family. My best friend and my husband and I even wrote a song together called "Goodbye Soldier." It was personal, my brother was going off to face danger. I was not being patriotic.

Throughout the past several years that we have been at war, that men and women have been dying for reasons that none of us are real sure about, I believe people have been giving the casual thought to our soldiers and veterans, but we really do not pause to understand what their service means. Unless the service is personal, someone close to you serving, it is hard to really imagine that life. We have the luxury to say we agree or disagree, those who gave their life do not.  (I do not mean died, I mean becoming soldiers and giving up their freedom to choose).

There are countries that require service from every one of their young people. Our country doesn't, we are protected and served by volunteers. That is a big deal! That is huge when you really think about it. It really deserves more than the casual thank yous that will be passed along today. It deserves reflection and appreciation that will carry throughout the year and impact the decisions that we make that will support the troops and keep them out of the way of unnecessary harm.

Just my thoughts for the day...along with  sincere feelings of appreciation.

What Does Independence Day Mean to You?

My youngest son loves to challenge the meaning of every holiday. It's actually pretty enlightening for me.

He questioned Halloween and had me believing it made no sense. Why do we go door to door for candy when we can just buy candy, in fact we did buy candy to give to other kids? Why do we have a special day to dress up when he plays dress up many days throughout the year? Why do we want to be scared at haunted houses?

Well 2 nights ago he started with the 4th of July. He asked why we still celebrate the 4th of July if the war ended a long time ago? I explained it was a celebration of our victory, a kind of birthday party for America. He then asked why fireworks? The point he was leading up to is why are we re-creating the war each year?

I honestly never really looked at it that way. Even when I was a kid we used to go to CB Smith park in S Florida for a picnic with family and friends and one year we literally re-created the war with another party across the lake. Out of fun, and alcohol abuse, the guys started shooting bottle rockets at each other and completely re-enacted a battle scene.

Do we take this day each year to glorify war? It did take a war to gain our Independence, but is it the war that should be glorified or the milestones we have achieved since we became our own country?

When we celebrate the birthdays of friends and family are we celebrating the actual, painful, messy birth or are we celebrating that person's life, accomplishments and influence?

One thing I know is my 7 year old will never stop challenging my ideas - it is what his life brings to me. Personally I do believe we should celebrate the challenges of gaining our independence. Breaking free and standing on your own is alway a challenge, and it is a challenge we each face in a variety of ways throughout our lives. Remembering those challenges reminds us of our strength and strong will to grow.

So - whatever this day means to you, I hope you have a happy and safe 4th of July.