So...What's Next?!?

Technology provides a new twist to some old advice

So, technology has um...caused some relationship problems over the years. The ability to communicate what is on your mind while it is on your mind is not always a good thing. Add alcohol and you have a recipe for disaster. Not that anything like that has ever happened to me.

Well, maybe, once or twice or well... anyway - moving on.

So, there is some old advice out there that suggests when you get upset with someone to write it out on paper and throw it away. I think that used to work for me - but not so much anymore. I seem to need to hit the "send" button to feel satisfied.

So tonight I figured out how to express myself when there is something on my mind, hit send for instant gratification but also have a filter for the communications that will protect me from disaster.

What is this magic I speak of...

I set up a gmail account that is dedicated to me venting. When I need to email what is on my mind I email it to my "special" account. I get to hit send and my message does go somewhere in cyberspace and I feel somewhat satisfied. Later I can log into that account, review what my problem was and reassess. I also have been known to write some interesting things when I am upset which I can capture and repurpose the idea in the email or commnications that is mch less heated.

Yes I know, I am still sending stuff into cyberspace which may still come back to haunt me one day, but later rather than soon is better.

I am not arguing with you, I am agreeing with you

I just read a blog post that made me a little upset. I felt the person was looking at a situation from a negative point of view and... well...not my point of view.

After thinking about their post for a moment I went back and read some things I have written about the subject and realized that we actually were looking at the situation from the same perspective, we just have different ways of expressing our thoughts. We come from different backgrounds and have different personalities, which shape how we express ourselves, but when delved in deeper, our core ideas complimented each other.

This got me to thinking about a friend I have who stresses the importance of diversity training. She extends the idea of diversity training from race and gender to backgrounds. We are a very diverse culture, which goes beyond white male or black female.

We come from different parts of the country with different cultures. For example I tend to forget the importance of small talk here in the south because I am from Miami where we just get to the point.

We have different goals and responsibilities.

We come from different economic backgrounds and each of us have fought our own unique personal battles.

I believe we tend to carry many assumptions about who people are based on what we see on the outside. I think we see someone who looks like us and may be shocked if they do not think like us. Or as I recognized today, maybe they do think like us, but they do not always communicate like us.

In management as well as in education, I think it we would go a long way if we learn how to listen better to other points of view, to find where we agree, and to understand why we do not agree.

I know that I  personally have a lot of work to do in this area.

Managing Expectations

This week I will be launching our first online training class!

I do not want these sessions to be basic presentations that you can hear at conferences and association meetings. I want them to be real opportunities for learning and applying that knowledge to improve the lives and businesses of our students.

So in addition to putting together the training guides and lesson plan, I have been really studying adult learning theories. I found this link: Tips to Improve Interaction Among the Generations.

As I was taking notes, I was thinking about the different people in my life that fit into the stereotypical values and expectations of each generation. What I realized is the generation time clock is not so exact.

For example, because my first job right out of college was an IT recruiter, I fit the exact profile of the Generation Xers such as having the entrepreneurial spirit, perceived lack of loyalty to any one company, independence and creativity, and the need for continuous feedback.

However, these traits did not come from my upbringing. They came from my experience of watching who was getting hired, who wasn't, who was succeeding in their careers and who was staying stagnant. I got a front seat view of the consequences (good and bad) of people's career choices for the first 3 years of my own career.

What I saw was companies not investing in the long-term growth of employees - expecting to churn and  burn their teams. The rule at the time was 1 year was a long term employee - we would like to see someone with a track record of two years - anything over 5 years meant their skills had become stagnant. The team that got the highest pay and status were the contractors and consultants. This was the late 90's - the time when Gen Xers were coming of age.

As I read through the traits of the Baby Boomers, their expectations in life are a lot different. Where they are the same is in that both generations value change and innovation and believe in hard work. However to climb the company ladder, Baby Boomers believe in company loyalty and many still expect to be at their companies long-term.

Now the year you were born does not necessarily subscribe you to the traits and values of that generation. I know many people who were born between 1966-1977 that would like to stay with their company long term and go up the corporate ladder. Those values and ideas would have been passed down from their family. They may not have witnessed the chaos that I witnessed early in my career.

So how will this affect how I teach social media?

I am realizing that when I stress the "need to know" it has to align with multi-generational values. If you are a long-term employee climbing the corporate ladder, you "need to know" how to get recognized and add value to your organization. If you are in this game for your own development in spite of who you work for, you need to keep your skills relevant and in demand.

More importantly, while going through this exercise, I am starting to understand the generation gaps and cultural breakdowns more and more - there are definite bridges between the generations, but there needs to be some prodding to get each group to cross over them. The younger generations do need to look to the older generations more for some core values related to hard work, drive and resilience and the older generation can no longer throw there hands up and claim that these new technologies are for the youth.

This is definitely an area I expect to being exploring more along the way.

Dual Perspectives

There is a song about the south that is quite comical. It is called Bless His Heart, by Karen Taylor-Good.

When you Yankees want to cut someone, you get out a knife
But down here in Dixie, we do it with nice
You can say whatever's on your mind
And still smell like a rose
Just add a little honey,
listen this is how it goes...

He's a scum sucking pig....bless his heart
lowest thing that ever lived....bless his heart

being nice and nasty, talkin southern is an art

The song goes on to talk about Emma

You can even do it to their face
and Emma was a pro
she can mow you down in 15 words
and you would never know
she would bat her eyes and  serve you tea
while ripping you apart
she was the queen of mean
bless her heart

Although my parents were somewhat southern (from Kentucky which is the northern south) they did not have this style. When they wanted to cut someone down, they wanted that person to feel it. So not only did they use a knife, they would twist and turn it a few times.

When I get upset or have something on my mind, I am sometimes not so tactful myself. Alright that is an understatement.

Last night I was thinking about alternative ways I could have handled some situations that caused some tension. I thought of more tactful ways of responding or reacting that could have saved some heartache and may have extended a relationship.

On one shoulder I had a little me saying this was something I should begin to work on, that I am a nice person and don't like to hurt people.

On the other shoulder was a little me saying, "yes but if you were trying to make a point, isn't it more effective that the person feels it?"

I thought about the song. Emma was the "queen of mean" not because of what she said necessarily, but because by being nice and not letting the other person know what she was really saying, she did not allow them to be on a level playing field.

I guess if you are looking for the upper hand, being nasty while being nice is a skill.

But I think there can be value for both parties that when I am trying to make a point, the perspective is clear, even if it hurts.