Activism vs Attachment

This morning I visited the Atlanta Soto Zen Meditation Center for the second time. This time I bypassed the newcomers class and went straight in to sit in zazen. I had a lot of questions on my heart and my mind needed to be quiet so that I could find some answers.

The first answer I discovered comes from the realization that there is something I have been lacking my whole life, which is order/structure. On my first visit to the Zen Center during Q&A I questioned the need for rituals. A question which led into a 30 minute dialog about the need to know what to expect, a need to be able to immediately get into the right mindset based and the imprint you have from basic rituals. I was assured that the rituals were not in place as a means to tell a person how to be, but to establish an order within the community and to set expectations for yourself. Today I realized I need more order/structure in my life and perhaps that means creating a few personal rituals for myself.

The second thing that came to mind was leadership. Specifically I found my personal understanding of leadership. I believe we each are leaders in some way, the difference is how many people and which people are following you. Each action we take we become an example, we show a way of being. We do not need to consciously state "I am a leader" in order to lead, we simply live a life that others find worthy of following.

That led me into my third answer which was to live in the present moment. I tend to think too much. I dwell on the past or I try to predict the future. This morning I really began to understand that there is only now, this moment. In regards to the past, I no longer have a choice, it's done and over with. In regards to the future I have no choice, there are too many variables at play, but at this exact moment I have unlimited choices of what to do, what to say, what to think and how to feel. The actions of the present moment lead us to the next moment where we get to make new choices again and again.

After meditation we have a discussion topic with Q&A. The topic today was related to political activism, specifically around the environmental changes. Buddhism stresses the idea of non-attachment, but the question is how can we be active, make a difference, and also embrace the idea of non-attachment?

Although that was not the exact question I walked in with it was very much related. How do you make a difference and still embrace non-attachment? Where is the balance?

I was the first person to be called on and I shared my answer of Leadership, Order, and Living in the Present. Other answers that came from the group also touched me and provided insights for my own personal questions.

One of my questions is "where does thought come from?" That is a question I often struggle with, as my thoughts often dictate my actions and every action causes a re-action, but where are these thoughts coming from? When I sit in mediation what voices am I quieting and what insights am I supposed to pay attention to? One girl in the group who recently decided to go to Africa to help out mentioned how her choice was based on sitting in mediation to clear the way so that she can hear where the flow of the Universe needed to take her next. That makes a lot of sense to me.  I understood today that thoughts can be just noises, echos of other people's words and sentiments, but what I am searching for when I go into mediation is that voice that comes from inside that is packaged with the right feelings but is also void of a sense of self.

Another answer today came in the form of questioning the difference between attachment and addiction. I know what it is like to live with a person with an addiction, but I still have not figured out what I can do about it. Perhaps I have been attached to thinking there is something I can do about other people's addictions. But there isn't. I am learning to understand addiction more and more. Today the person who brought it up mentioned that an addict does not even realize what they are doing. That is true, and yet I found myself getting in the face of addicts to show them what they are doing, not backing down, not letting go without regard of how the addict may in turn want to hurt me. I remember getting a bloody lip from my father once, but I kept on him. As this person in the group continued to explain his answer, he said the difference is when you're attached you know what you are doing and you continue to do it because you expect a certain outcome. Indeed. You are indeed hoping for a positive outcome.

So the question returned to activism vs attachment and the answers returned to taking care of yourself first, leading the way, and living in the present moment.  Stay active with positive thoughts and pure intentions, but do not cling to any specific outcome.