So...What's Next?!?

Appreciation

Several weeks ago I fell into some sort of "poor me" mentality.

I am not very good at self promotion. I will put myself "out there" but when the "field" gets crowded and people get pushy, I tend to back away.

So the past few years I have put myself "out there." I got some good attention. I have been asked to speak to many various groups and I have been in the Atlanta Business Chronicle, AJC, Magazines, on various podcast shows and so forth. Never once have I asked for any of this attention, it all came to me as I simply put myself out there. After SoCon09 especially, I felt like not as many people were knocking on my door (sending email requests or calling) as in the past. I felt like my time in the "spotlight" was passing and that it was my fault because I do not know how to stand out in the crowd and it has gotten crowded in this space.

Beyond being in the spotlight, which I have to admit, I do enjoy that in doses,  I really missed feeling appreciated. Feeling appreciated means a lot to me.

A few weeks (maybe less) into my self pity I received an email from a friend asking me to be part of his upcoming, very cool event. I was ready to jump in as a volunteer to put the event together but that was not what he wanted necessarily, he just wanted to show me some appreciation (details on the event coming soon.) - That was cool. Then I received an email from another friend detailing the impact I have had on his life the past few years. That was good and very much needed at the time. Then I was bidding for an RFP and needed references and what I have read from my clients has been very revealing of the appreciation that they have for me and that I do stand out in a crowd. Another RFP went out and a half dozen people forwarded to me - half the people I never met - again - I came top to mind. I am still speaking to 2-3 groups per month and when I launched a new idea recently people jumped right in with some great input and a number of people have offered to voluteer to help me get the idea off the ground.

Being in the "spotlight" even as little as I have been in comparison to others might have made me forget to recognized that it is not how bright the spotlight is. It is about the value of the people who are paying attention. The experience has made me realize the value of spending most of my time with the people who know and support me. To not only nurture those friendships, but to remember to value and show appreciation to them myself.

To my friends,  - Thank you all for your words of encouragement, belief in my abilities, ongoing support, and most of all, for letting me know that you are there.

100 Things I am Thankful For

alright  - I admit I have not made it to 100 in any of the lists that I started in the margin - but I think I can get through this by breaking it up....let's see...

Starting with the person I am with 24/7 - me - because I have learned that it is important to appreciate ourselves....

1. I am thankful for my eyes - yes I like them as much as everyone else.
2. I am thankful that I have a GREAT body underneath the 30lbs that I will be losing over the next year.
3. I am thankful that I am a really fast learner - it gives me the confidence to take on almost any challenge.
4. I am thankful for my independent spirit that has pushed me away from the crowds at some very opportune times.
5. I am thankful for my sense of humor - the one that can not always express itself, but that helps me cope with the oddities in life.
6. I am thankful for my work ethic - it has kept me employed no matter what the markets have done.
7. I am thankful for my desire to write - my own words have often been exactly what I needed to read at times.
8. I am thankful that I feel like I am a good mom
9. I am thankful that I am  the type of person that enjoys self-improvement
10. I am thankful that I have many diverse interests that keeps my life full of exploration.

OK...now to those closest to me - my boys.
11. I am thankful to have a son that inspires me to be a better person.
12. I am thankful to have a son that makes me laugh.
13. I am thankful to have a son has an incredible creative mind which never ceases to amaze me.
14. I am thankful to have a son who is so independent and incredibly smart.
15. I am thankful to have a son who is so caring about the world he lives in.
16. I am thankful to have a son who is so loving.
17. I am thankful to have a son who dares to challenge my assumptions.
18. I am thankful  to have a son who continues to teach me to manage my temper.
19. I am thankful to have two boys who are happy and healthy.
20. I am thankful to have two boys who are safe and provided for.

OK...now the man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with
21. I am thankful to have a husband who has been willing to roll with the tides.
22. I am thankful to have a husband who is willing to trust my judgment during the times I have not been so sure of myself.
23. I am thankful to have a husband who seems to always find me incredibly cute and sexy.
24. I am thankful to have a husband who is also wonderful father.
25. I am thankful to have a husband who is incredibly talented and entertaining.
26. I am thankful to have a husband who has a wonderful career which he enjoys.
27. I am thankful to have a husband who is willing to learn and grow alongside of me.
28. I am thankful to have a husband who will never grow old.
29. I am thankful to have a husband who likes to pamper me.
30. I am thankful to have a husband who is trustworthy and faithful.

And then there is the family who made me the 'me' I get to be.

31. I am thankful for my mom's independent spirit and determination.

32. I am thankful to my dad's giving and non-judgmental nature.

33. I am thankful to my oldest brother for sharing with me his love of history.

34. I am thankful to my older brother for the many nights he read stories to me.

35. I am thankful to my younger brother for the opportunity to be a big sister.

36. I am thankful to all my family for the wonderful lessons of forgiveness.

37. I am thankful to all my family for the real meanings of unconditional love.

38. I am thankful to all my family for the entertaining stories I get to share about you.

39. I am thankful to all my family for the best-selling book I will write about you one day.

40. I am thankful to all of you for the love, support, and guidance that you have often offered me.

And then there are my very dear friends.

41. Janeen for being a big sister to me since I was 4.

42. Charmaine for being the true meaning of loyal friend.

43. Mhari for being my soul-sister and being part of some great high-school memories.

44. Matt Kennedy for always being a wonderful inspiration.

45. Chris Irrizary - for being my punching bag when I needed one, and also being my last minute senior prom date.

46. Pat & Kirsten from FSU - for opening my eyes to the world beyond our borders.

47. Tim Moenk - for making me laugh and feel good about myself when I needed it most.

48. Jim Stroud - for your never ending enthusiasm to be involved in whatever I come up with next.

49. Kevin Howarth - for raising my self-esteem to levels where I felt like I could do some of the things I ended up doing.

50. all those that are not named - there are lots of you who have been my cheerleaders, supporters, teachers, guides, tormentors, and co-conspirators.

Now - let's see how about business

51. I am thankful for my growing business.

52. I am thankful for all the mentors that seem to arrive at the exact moments I need them.

53. I am thankful for the companies who are working on developing partnerships with me.

54. I am thankful for the amazing people I have had the opportunity to work with and learn from over the years.

55. I am thankful for Les and Glen and Lawrence and Daddy-O  and everyone at Fuzebox for giving me a "home and family."

56. I am thankful to the community that has embraced and promoted my ideas.

57. I am thankful to my clients who have put their trust in me, guided me, and paid me on time (would you believe EVERY client has paid on time the past 3 years!)

58. I am thankful for the referrals I have received.

59. I am thankful for the advice and the amazing endorsements and compliments.

60. I am thankful for having the courage and dedication to make this business happen.

Alright, what about life in general

61. I am thankful that the peak of fall is always on my birthday.

62. I am thankful that my allergies are not as bad as they once were.

63. I am thankful for the ability to grow, learn, and change.

64. I am thankful for my health.

65. I am thankful for technology.

66. I am thankful for pants that stretch.

67. I am thankful having the perfect trees to hang a hammock on.

68. I am thankful for the opportunity to ride in a Porche recently - that was fun.

69. I am thankful for good food, good music, and good art.

70. I am thankful for the ability have a good night's sleep in a warm and comfortable bed.

Alright - let's see if I can stretch this out globally.

71. I am thankful for the people who share their opinions and ideas.

72. I am thankful for free markets.

73. I am thankful for people who are brave enough to stand-up for positive change.

74. I am thankful for the richness of the many different cultures.

75. I am thankful for the ability to know about and to actually know people from all parts of the world.

76. I am thankful for the ability to travel to many parts of the world.

77. I am thankful for movies like Lord of the Rings that can bring us to the most awe-inspiring places on earth.

78. I am thankful for the shared dreams of peace, prosperity and responsibility that expands across the globe.

79. I am thankful for the abundance that comes from our mother earth.

80. I am thankful for the light shows that come during an amazing storm.

and can I take it to the Universe...hmmm.

81. I am thankful for the spirit (add your name of choice) that connects us all.

82. I am thankful for the ability to understand the Universe on small but ever growing levels.

83. I am thankful for the guidance that is provided by the Universe.

84. I am thankful for the life that has been born from the Universe.

85. I am thankful for being able to see the amazing beauty of the Universe.

86. I am thankful for the answers that the Universe has provided.

87. I am thankful for the balance of the Universe.

88. I am thankful that the Universe is so overwhelmingly large and complex and can never be fully understood.

89. I am thankful for the peacefulness that's is part of the Universe.

90. I am thankful for the idea that out of chaos and destruction comes new life.

Alright - last 10....just random stuff...

91. I am thankful for medicine, from aspirin to stuff that cures bad diseases.

92. I am thankful for the times I have been at the right place at the right time.

93. I am thankful for the decisions that have taught me to try something different.

94. I am thankful for the ability to decide to be happy in life.

95. I am thankful for my education.

96. I am thankful for good childcare providers.

97. I am thankful for dedicated teachers.

98. I am thankful for the ability to make a difference.

99. I am thankful that those who have passed can continue to live on in our hearts and memories and we can tap into their "spirit" when we need them most. I miss you dad.

100. Most of all, I am thankful I have so much to be thankful for.

and the list goes on

- hot showers

- good alcohol

- starbucks

- free wifi

- book stores

Taking a break from "wanting" to spend some time "appreciating"

now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting. If you are not wanting anything than what are you going to work toward? What is going to move you? Why get up in the morning?

But sometimes we need to stop and appreciate what we have. I have been able to do that a lot today.

First I was able to fill my gas tank up and put 4 gallons of gas in my husband's car today (the last 4 gallons at the pump). Typically, no big deal - but lately, it is something I can appreciate.

My brother and sister in-law have decided to give us Grandma Heyl's piano. The plan for our dining room (which is small) is to turn it into a study area. We are going to put the piano in there. It will be delivered on Tuesday.

The cool part for me is that I started to take piano lessons about 4 years ago. Our digital piano, or should I say my husband's digital piano is in his studio, which is not a place that I like to hang out at for a few reasons, so I have not touched it. This piano will be upstairs. I am going to start playing again.

I am sitting here imagining and appreciating what that space is going to look like.

A couple of weeks ago we received our new door which has a beautiful stain glass insert, my husband picked it out. It has all the colors of our house (we have a house that is being designed by a professional designer - it is color coordinated; blue, green, yellow, and red, brown, a peanut butter color, and off white - a lot of color but it works well.

I still can not wait to getthe floors we picked out, but that is part of the wanting part.

My husband painted the new front door and installed the new doorbell, and we are again appreciating the new door.

For most of the day I have been working on the business structure and preparing for some upcoming meetings and projects. What was cool is I have been going through the old notes, the brainstorming notes when I was trying to figure out what it was I was trying to do. Those notes were written in a state of chaos, trying to figure it all out, all of it from culture of the business, to organizational structure, to what is was the company had to offer. I was then able to switch over to my current notes and see where and how all of that brainstorming as been applied and how I am exactly were I wanted to be 2-3 years ago. It is very cool and still somewhat mysterious. Some of the things I was writing about I had no idea how I would get to, but I was possessed with the ideas, and now so much of what I was envisioning has been delivered.

I mean, I have experienced enough in my life to have a pretty strong faith, but I still get amazed at how things sometimes just seem to be following a plan.

So, when I sit here wanting my floors, I know they will be delivered. Things work out. They always do. The only thing that keeps me from remembering that things work out is when I fail to take the time to appreciate because I get so hung up on the wanting part.

I want, I want a lot, and realizing/appreciating how much I have already received of the things I have wanted, makes the wanting more part pretty cool.

Inspiration for an Entrepreneur

To say that Entrepreneurs are a unique breed is a huge understatement.

On Friday, I met with a young (younger than me) bright man who is launching a new social network. I was somewhat skeptical going into the meeting. Why do we need another social network? What problems will he be solving that actually exist and that no one else is solving right now? What is his revenue model? I also had a few issues with the structure of the social network, based on what I looked at prior to the meeting.

I left the meeting wanting to be a part of what he was building.

He was by far one of the brightest people I had ever met. I was blown away by the details that he had already considered.

We talked about how he ended up launching this company. How he was in a very well paid job, but as soon as this idea hit him, he knew he had to give up the cushion job and launch a very risky and unproven business plan that he was making up as he went.

We talked about my similar experience. I had just landed a well paid job with Robert Half, Inc - but could not focus on the job, I wanted to be doing this. But I had very little understanding of what 'this' was, or where it would take me. The added pressures for me was that I had a family depending on my income.

The past three years has been the longest and most unpredictable roller coaster ride imaginable.

Some of my biggest frustrations have been working with "wannabe" Entrepreneurs who want the benefits of being an Entrepreneur without any of the risks and oftentimes not wanting to be responsible for generating the revenue.

Also having a "new born" company is like having a "new born" baby in that everyone wants to give you advice, oftentimes without knowing anything about what your goals and dreams are for this new entity. That in itself has strained or damaged a few friendships.

Learning  to manage the way I want to manage has been a huge obstacle. I have an idealist view of what kind of culture I want to build, but at the same time I sometimes have little patience and a fast temper.

Since I am in an industry that is very new and what I am doing is new for everyone, I find my creative energy stretched to the limits on occasion.

Finally as a small business with limited resources, I have to wear every single hat. Recently I went through the exercise of developing the business plan in it's grand vision. For each offering I listed what team will we need to deploy. The org chart consist of 12 positions, not counting operations. Although I have had a great team with me on many of the projects, I have had to wear each hat at least once as well as understand the details of the jobs that were being outsourced.

My biggest responsibility, beyond creating our offerings and making sure we deliver what we say we will deliver, is getting the clients. That in itself is a full time job. It is like a conveyor belt where I am responsible for every position on the line and I am running back and forth to get things done.

I do not think anyone reading this would ever hold it against an Entrepreneur for having the occasional day of needing some encouragement to keep going.

So, how do I keep going on the occasional days when the weight feels too heavy?

I go to a coffee shop (I get inspired at coffee shops) and I put my headphones on and I make lists.

I list out my problems and complaints as well as all the ideas that come up.

Then I listen to all the various people who have greatly inspired me throughout my life.

I think of my clients who believed in me, guided me, endorsed me, and referred me to others. I must be doing something right!

I hear my dad telling me "can't never could do anything" and reminding me that "God only helps those who help themselves."

I hear my mom telling me that "I do not need to take such abuse from...or that I'm just as good as..."

I hear my husband encouraging me to not give up and supporting me no matter what crazy idea I come up with (from wanting to join the Air Force(didn't do that one) to double majoring, to launching my own company - for the second time after the first one hurt us a bit financially)/

I hear my coach telling me to pick up the phone and make more phone calls. I also can "hear" his ideas to promote our offerings or to get help from others.

I tap into the relationship I have with my older son who has been with us through various financial ups and downs and never once complained about the lows.

Finally I tap into the energy of my youngest son, which I wrote about in a poem;

I Want It

My son,

climbed mountains
created introspective pieces of art
and performed in electrifying concerts

all before the age of 3

His vocabulary is dominated
with the words "I want it!"
shadowed only by his will to get it
Ask him why?
and he'll tell you,
"because I want it!"

That is what I want
To take risks - unaware of the consequences
To perform without inhibitions
To achieve greatness
and when asked why?
the simplicity to answer
"because I want it!"

My son,

climbed mountains
created introspective pieces of art
and performed in electrifying concerts

all before the age of 3

His vocabulary is dominated
with the words "I want it!"
shadowed only by his will to get it
Ask him why?
and he'll tell you,
"because I want it!"

That is what I want
To take risks - unaware of the consequences
To perform without inhibitions
To achieve greatness
and when asked why?
the simplicity to answer
"because I want it!"