What Only A Parent Would Feel

It has been awhile since I have blogged here. The reason is that I have had a lot on my mind that I needed to work through, and this blog is not the place for me to work these specific things out on.

However I do want to share some of the feelings the have been weighing very heavy on my heart this week.

Late on Tuesday night I was having a hard time getting to sleep. I flipped open my laptop to see if there was anything interesting happening on Twitter. One of the people I follow, @turner posted an Amber alert for Somer Thompson. My heart sank.

I struggled to get to sleep the rest of the night and the next morning when I awoke I learned more of the story. 7 year old Somer was walking home from school with a group of friends and her older sister. She got upset after her sister reprimanded her and ran off. Her body has been found in a landfill in South GA. 

I have an 8 year old with a mind of his own who I often have worried about him running off on his own to do his own thing.

When tragedy like this happens we often say we cannot imagine what that mother is going through. I think we can and we struggle to keep from imagining. It simply hurts too much to know that it could be our child and we could be that mother. 

I will never forget when I heard about the Oklahoma bombings. My oldest son was still a small infant. I was working at Bennigan's and that is where I was when the news broke and the story of all the children who had died. It was the first time I was able to imagine such intense emotional pain.

In recent news there have been stories of teenage boys getting beaten to death by a gang of kids or burned over a money dispute. I immediately think back to the day when my teenage son was jumped by a self-proclaimed gang member and someone burned his book bag and I feel an overwhelming sense of lack of control.

I am very fortunate that I am able to raise my boys in a nice neighborhood. I read that more than 150 sex offenders lived within a 5 mile radius of Somer's home. That information prompted to check out http://www.familywatchdog.us to see how many offenders lived in my neighborhood. Not many. 4 with child related convictions, and they are not really that close to us. A few statutory rape cases charged against young men, and a few rape and a few lewd behavior convictions. Again, none are very close to where we live.

But armed with the pictures and information of those who have been convicted in the past, knowing my neighborhood is relatively safe, and knowing that although these stories are reported daily on the news, the reality is a very small percentage of the population ever comes close to experiencing such horrific tragedies, that does not give me any sense that I am in control or stop me from being able to imagine what that mother is going through. Only because I want to avoid such pain can I stop from feeling what she must feel like.

Knowing she cannot see her daughter's smile, experience her daughter's pure energy and enthusiasm and amazing unconditional love, or play games with her anymore makes me realize what I am missing when I do not take the time to appreciate the kids I have.

For the past few days, when my younger son asks if I want to play Rock Band, I do not hesitate, I say yes!

Comments

[twitter.com/smileysteve]

I understand that being a mother makes us cautious (and your son's bag burning was a surprise) but research suggests that we are much safer nowadays than when say for instance you were growing up. The problem just appears worse because news travels faster and farther now (esp through something like twitter and email) where fake amber alerts happen.